What to do with religious possessions of remaining parent?
Mom is the last one alive having survived both parents, a brother, a daughter and two husbands. I am the remaining child, she has a couple grand and greatgrand children. As we have moved her into a AL facility we are getting ready to clean and sell her condo. She has been pretty good about telling me what stays, goes, what the kids can have and the rest goes to a church charity. My problem is with certain religious (and to my mind morbid) articles that no one wants. And she doesn't really have room at her facility for them. Specifically she has saved the books people sign at funerals. My dads, her second husband, my sister, and both her parents. She has also saved the crucifixes from the caskets, plus some sort of Eternal enrollment for masses to be said after a persons death. To me they are hideous and my kids feel the same way. I don't want to ask her about them because she will want to drag all of that to the ALF. So far she hasn't remembered about them but I feel it's only a matter of time. Anyone have any thoughts of what I can do?
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It soynds like she has been generally reasonable about parting with things.
Why not say, “ Mom there is a box of funeral memorabilia - can I take care of that?”
If she wants that box in her AL place, let her have it, because it is a priority for her. There should be no harm caused.
You have no obligation to hold these items for posterity after she no longer is using them.
The idea is to keep them out of sight and out of mind, so that they don't bother you and she's less likely to think of them; but to have an "in case" just in case she should ask to look through them.
I know this is dull, but alternatives such as decorating her new ALF room with the crucifixes really don't bear thinking about.
I'm a fine one to talk: I still have at least two crates of "family records" awaiting my attention. Ugh. Isn't it ridiculous how difficult this stuff is to dump?
However, I have used the memory books for some great comversation starters with her. Those and prayer cards.
It’s a trip down memory lane for her. Which neighbors they went to church with or school or was her mom’s special friends. She has tiny little prayer books that were her ancestors and I like to think about how precious they were to the owners. They are very worn and soft with age and tell stories all on their own.
Since I like genealogy I don’t see them as only religious artifacts. I’m not sure what’s appropriate. I wouldn’t want to dishonor anyone’s religion (although it’s possible I have already unwittingly done so). It’s the same to me with the ceremonial flags that are given to survivors of veterans.
Gloria Vanderbilt died today and Anderson Cooper was saying how much he enjoyed writing his book with his mom and getting to know more about her life. Once that stage is gone, I suspect I’ll pass on the books as the memories are aunts and not mine.
I think there are craft artist who might use some of the items in projects. So don’t just ask your own children. Check with the grands.
I know if someone said to me, here is your GGGF’s or GM’s “anything” I’d be interested to at least see it. They aren’t morbid to me but neither are they sacred to me. Just part of life that seems to be slipping away. I wasn’t any help. Sorry.
No disrespect intended to anyone. Just looking at my own demise, & who I would leave my items to, as my sons would never keep them, so my wishes are to donate them to my Parish Family.
Peace Be With You.
If there's no family then I would contact the local genealogy group or a local museum, followed by state and regional organizations. When researching local history older than living memory, even unusual documentation can be helpful.
The Funeral Books. My Mom had so many. I didn’t know she had them. I kept them at my home in a rather large box for about a year. Then I went thru and ripped pages out of them that contained family history. I did not save pages that listed those attending the funerals.
All the pages fit in a small folder.
I am not Catholic. My husbands family are. You might check with your Mom’s Parish Office. If there is some use for the Rosaries and re using them is not prohibited I am sure they would be happy to have them or advise you where to donate them.
Or maybe a guest who loved your Mom, signed all the books, and was a part of the family, as well as a part of the church?
Or keep them for names and addresses to invite for other events, Mom's birthday, or other.
If they have no keepsake or legacy value, can you destroy the books, entries made, signatures, and discard them privately instead of at the curb or nearest dumpster?
The reason I suggest that, is the dumpsters have contained some very personal information over the years, when family comes to empty their parent's homes in a hurry....the vehicle pink slip, personal letters, cremains, clothing, collector's items of monetary value, checkbooks, bank statements, family photos, cell phones, all sorts of things often gone through by dumpster divers, neighbors, or even someone just emptying their trash..
This has been a source of despair to me personally to see a neighbor's belongings, or evidence of their lives, just tossed in the trash without a thought given.
Once, some checkbooks were placed in anyone's view at the top of the dumpster.
When I tried to cover them, I was accused of dumpster diving! So no one was careful about identity theft.
One person's opinion, pls do not shoot the messenger.