I have sat with a few elderly people and family members, I took care of my mother up til she passed from Dementia and Alzheimer's & now I am supposed to be doing live in caregiving for a friend's 77 year old larger framed mother who has broken her left ankle and has bad right knee. But her son is thinking that 24/7 day & night care is considered my room and board!? I help and assist with her bathroom time, sponge baths, and also I am cooking, cleaning & all laundry for not just her but her son & his girlfriend. I have no private room or bathroom or even closet or drawer space for my clothes. I am sleeping on a couch that she complained about it being tore up from me sleeping on it!? Help me please, I need to know what is best course of action to take for my own well being at this point, because I can't truly be expected to go 24/7 no time off no being able to go anywhere with out a conflict or a stressful conversation about it, with no monetary compensation!? I mean where does that leave me when my services are no longer needed, homeless, moneyless, carless & more???
To expect that kind of care plus the son and his GF is ridiculous, insulting to you, abusive and overbearing. Don't even consider this extra work.
This is what I call the Cinderella syndrome, absent the handsome prince who rescues Cinderella.
For your own well being, don't even get involved in this situation. Develop a sudden illness, or just tell them bluntly that you can't and won't provide services for 3 people. They're exploiting you, and this is really insulting to me.
If you want to do caregiving, establish YOUR standards, and market yourself on those terms.
I don't mean to insult you, but you might want to consider your own self image, and how you view yourself. You need to treat yourself with respect, and insist that others do as well. If caregiving is your chosen life's work, establish and stick to standards that don't abuse you.
If someone thinks that “room and board” is sufficient for 24/7/365 caregiving that is someone I would not want to work for.
You can not work 24/7/365. Typical “live in” hours are something like 4 days on 3 days off and it is not a 24 hour work day, there is breaks as well as at least 8 hours off.
Check your States Labor laws or you could even “google” the info.
But I stand by my advice to RUN from this.
Your “friend” is no friend if the implication is you are “supposed” to do this.
Do whatever get yourself a ride to B’ham and a women’s shelter there. Make & set aside a few shelf stable sandwiches, fruit and clean clothes today & this week, make a sign or two and get out & hitchhike to B’ham. If you can mange to post on this site, you can research where shelters are, where emergency services are, what churches have outreach. But you have to, have to, get the f out of that backwater town.
You know towns like this dot the South…. there's no APS, no real law enforcement or health clinics. No social service agencies. Dirt floor housing in 2021. It’s astounding. You gotta leave to get beyond the sinkhole of a life there.
Please explain WHY are you in this situation?
You must be using the term “friend” very loosely, because they certainly shouldn’t be considered a “friend!”
I have a very short answer for you. LEAVE! GET OUT AND DON’T LOOK BACK!
Abuse is not just physical but emotional, psychological. What they are asking you to do, how they expect you to “work” is abuse, indentured servitude and it is NOT legal
You got that RIGHT. That is your future if you continue on this path. So, get off the train. NOW.
First, you need to make a decision that you must stop letting people use and abuse you, and that you are a valuable person with ability to earn a decent living.
Second, you need to go get a real paying job, one that is enough for you to live on in your own little place, a small studio or apartment, or event a rented room in someone's home. For transportation, bus or train, or even a bike. This is temporary until you save enough to get a car.
Third, you need to think about what job you want to do to earn a better living, and what training or schooling you need to get there, and go get the necessary training/schooling, then go get a better job after that.
Good luck to you.
Who is your friend? Is it the son?
How long have you been the live-in slave?
Do you really need to know what is the "best course of action to take" for your own wellbeing?
Get out again, quick as you can. Where were you living before you took this so-called job?
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