Today, as I was going up the stairs to my local subway stop at work, a very elderly, very infirm and very disabled woman was attempting to walk down the two flights of stairs with her two canes. One man (clearly a good Samaritan) was helping her and another joined in when it became clear she needed more assistance than one person could give. With each step down she gave out a yelp of? pain? fright?
I made my way up to the subway platform and was able to see her, inching her way down a major avenue in Queens with her canes, one step at a time. No one was with her.
Would you have called for assistance? Stopped to ask her where she was going and why she was without someone to escort her?
When she goes to Mass with her friend, she hangs on to her friend's arm while she has the cane in her other hand. I think it's unsafe; I've told her so. Her friend is 80 herself. My mother's response is that her friend can't put the rollator in her car.
I've done my part. If they fall, so be it. It won't be on my watch, and I can't be blamed! (I can really see my mother blaming me if she were to fall while hanging onto my arm; somehow it would be MY fault.)
So, moral of this story. Make sure the person really wants and needs the help before intervening.
About where the children are -- she might not have had any or they might all be sons. (Sorry, caregiving men. I couldn't help myself. Bad me.)
Unfortunately, I see people when I'm driving that I could give a lift to (people carrying bags, etc), but in today's climate, there's always the concern that getting involved could result in a bad outcome for you as the Good Samaritan.
I think if you're going to walk away and feel bad that you didn't help, you can at least ask if the person needs some assistance.
Sometimes things just jell instantly and sometimes the thought process is delayed.
I think the most helpful response is to inquire how far she's going and if she needs help. If she says she doesn't and it's clear that she does, you could offer to walk with her to ensure she gets there, or offer to call her family.
But as I said, sometimes the appropriate actions don't always appear at the right time, and I think that's for anyone, not just me.
A couple of years ago, I probably wouldn't have given it another thought. But being here, hearing all of these stories, the possible scenarios seem endless.
And what is the most helpful response?
I'm going to the social security office for my mother to become her representative payee, because they said I have to come in".
Look, a couple of years before my MIL died, she ended up in the hospital in mid-July. To make a long story short, she had shlepped about 50 pounds of wood slats home on the public bus and could see no connection between what she had done and the fact that she had passed out in the 90 degree August heat. It might have been a good thing if someone had intervened. Or not. She might have bashed the person who tried to help or talk to her. I just don't know. How do you know when to reach out?
I think we need a protocol for "Elder Help" I just need to know what it is.
There but for the grace of god
I don't know what I've would have done