I have tried in the past to have my mother write down her wishes concerning funeral arrangements. She has always resisted, and often changed her mind as to what she has told me she wanted. However, due to a recent death in the family and seeing many issues that can arise, she now has said she wants no funeral service. Before I sit down with her to actually have something put in writing, I would like to get some input. I know she does not want a wordy obituary about her life, so alternate "life celebrations" is not what she would want. But just saying the deceased requested no funeral services seems rather stark. (And it may turn out that mother does want some kind of service.) How should this be worded for a death announcement? If other family members are very disturbed with foregoing traditional services, what could be simple ways to honor her without going against her wishes?
You can respect her wishes and not have a funeral and have just a private burial. But if there are family members that would like to gather a light lunch or dinner at another time would be nice. This could be days, weeks, months later. This would also give people that live farther away a chance to get to your location with less expensive travel arrangements.
As far as an announcement in the paper you can make it brief and say that burial is or was private. (announcements in the paper have gotten pretty expensive anyway) If she is a member at a place of worship they can print an announcement in the weekly bulletin if they do that. and again mention that at her request the burial was private.
My MIL was cremated in Fla and brought up here. She was buried with her DH. I had our minister do her service at graveside. Afterwards a friend had us and family members over for a luncheon. We had her burial between their wedding anniversary and her 92 birthday.
Now unless my brother again insists on some form of service, I will not plan any kind of service for mom - as far as mom is concerned - funerals, memorial services and the like are a waste of time as far as she is concerned.
On the other hand, dad's SIL died a few months after he did and my cousins had a funeral service - small town and my aunt was active in the church and the community (town of about 500).
I don't think there is any right or wrong answer. I do believe funerals are happening less and if any service the memorials or celebrations of life.
You don’t do a funeral to please hanger on relatives or please yourself.
Your mother’s life, your mother’s death YOUR MOTHER’S CHOICE.
When my husband died last year, and was cremated, I just put in his obituary that he would be cremated and his ashes scattered at his favorite beach, and that his family would be having a private celebration of his life. His "private celebration of his life" was just myself, my children and grandchildren all going out to eat at a nice restaurant the day we scattered his ashes.
So don't worry about what "other family members" think, as what is most important is the fact that you honor your mothers final wishes. And if you don't want to use the words celebration of life, you can just say that we're going to have a small family gathering to honor her.