I was just wondering something, and hoping you all could give me your advice. My mom (79, with moderate stage dementia) more often then not cries and asks me for help doing ADL's.
Part of me wants to step in and assist her with these basic things. It hurts me to refuse her. However, I've been warned against "babying" her, and have been told that I should encourage her to do as much on her own as she possibly can.
When I do not help her, she does manage to complete her task (getting dressed, for example.) But she does seem to be suffering, and as I said, it hurts to do nothing.
My question is, when do you think I should step-in? Am I doing the right thing by continuing to have her try to do these things on her own?
Thank you for helping.
XO
You do want to be prepared to move into providing more help in the future in whatever form will be needed so make sure the legal papers such POA for both health and finances plus any other legal papers your mother's estate attorney may suggest are in place.
You seem to have excellent instincts. Please let us know how you are doing and keep tapping into this wonderful community for experienced comments, suggestions, advice and sympathy.
Remember to take care of yourself, as well.
Carol
I would lose contact with whoever said not to "baby" her. This person wants to control rather than assist the elder. The elder is not an baby, they have lived a full life and they are merely dealing with the frustrations of their bodies not responding like they did in the prime of their life. Too often medical professionals treat the elder as someone who is not worthy of their effort. I would let your knowledge of your mother, your ability to simplify her tasks of daily living be your guide. Also with an elder, they have good and bad days, days when they can do more and days they can do less--just part of the aging process.
Good luck.
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