My mom can't do things for herself, but thinks she can, She has no sense of judgment or common sense anymore, she's 89. I try to help her and she complains I'm running her life although she can't do it herself. Nothing I do is right in her eyes, even if we've talked about things and I do it exactly as she wanted. She's hard of hearing, yells at me because I don't make her hear and I mumble. We have never gotten along, but now she lives with me and the relationship is even worse with issues of her getting older such as bad eyesight, memory, mobility. How can you be mean to the only person that is caring for you. She contributes nothing except some help with utilities living with me. At this time I am out of work so I'm struggling. She has no where else to go, how could a mother just sit there and do nothing as far as helping during such a time? She tells me she never "charged" me rent anytime when I was younger and came back home so she shouldn't have to pay. She helped my brother financially his whole life, he is now deceased. Oddly even with struggling I'm less concerned with the finances as her treatment to me. It's difficult helping someone that is mean to you...I keep praying...
Your Mom does have somewhere else to go... call Medicaid and see if she can qualify, then you search for the nicest continuing care facility you can find. Your Mom will probably dig in her heels because her generation has an unfounded fear of today's *nursing homes*. They still believe such homes are what they heard about 50 years ago, and believing all the myths about such homes. Look at all the new best friends she could make :)
Frustrated5, I hope you get her into a facility soon, because she is wearing you down to a little nub. 30% of caregivers die before their patients. Leave the house every day just as you did when working. It's better than putting up with bad attitude.
What I'm trying to determine here is whether your issues with her a caused by something she can't help, such as dementia, or this is just her personality intensified because you are living together?
In either case, I join worriedaboutdad in suggesting seeking counseling for yourself.
Also, please understand that it is NOT TRUE that "she has no where else to go." Where would she be if you and your brother had both died? Living under a bridge?
If the ultimate solution here is to not live with her, be assured there are other housing options for her.
Maybe you can learn to set boundaries and not let her ruin your self-esteem. But that is very challenging if it involves breaking a life-long pattern. You deserve help and support. Please find a therapist.