I know Alzheimer's is one of the worst things a family can live through, being alone through it all as I care for my mom is so difficult. My dad does nothing. I'm 37 and mom no longer knows who I am, my name or why I'm living in the house. How do I deal with this? The pain is so strong, the anger to. How can she remember my sister (her favorite) so well and on the other hand not remember me at all? Today she was yelling at me I'm not her daughter, and that a stranger can't help her. When I ask her if she knows my name she doesn't. She constantly asks when I'm leaving and who my mom is. She gives me evil looks when I call her mom but I've never called her anything else. It's been almost 2 years now since she "lost me" in her memory. It's like alzheimers has taken every bit of my life from her but my sister is still there. I cry a lot when she talks about my sister her "daughter" and then asks me when I'm going home because I dont live here. The pain is like half my body and soul ripped away and then that leads to anger. If she doesn't know me as a daughter do I have to see her as my mom anymore? All that was my mom is gone. How do I cope with this?
I'm so sorry for your pain!!
A couple things come to mind.
1) The sooner you can understand that the mother you used to know and love is no longer there the better. Alzheimer's robs them of their memories. It's not personal, it's Alzheimer's!
2) Seek counseling!!!
Maybe someone who deals with caregivers. It's a great start coming here!! You'll get lots of helpful advice, but there is a deeper healing that comes from a one on one relationship with a counselor.
Again, it's not personal it's Alzheimer's.
Take care of yourself!!
God bless!!
Please be careful of dad. He is lost too. Just know you are not the only one in your family who is hurting. My mother forgot my name. She called her sister's name. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME SHE TALKED.
This disease has no boundaries.
Just know this. That is hard to do, but it's true. When I corrected her, that she did not say my name, she stopped talking.. PERIOD.
THIS FREAKING DISEASE HAS NO BOUNDARIES...
My advice is: Do Not Correct Her. she doesn't know, and at the end of it all, it doesn't matter. LOVE MATTERS. and YOU NEED TO FORGIVE. Forgive, yourself, forgive your mom, forgive your dad ( your poor dad and mom, without them, you would not be you) tough as that sounds, and to be forgiven, you must accept the guilt or cause, or whatever. They cannot forgive you, if you do not apologize.
I am so sorry mom, I love you. I am sorry sorry Dad, I am here for you too, and I love you.
Your sister may be the "favorite", and it seems to be in most families, said, or unsaid, we all know, there is a favorite. There was a favorite. Why? because #1 child wasn't protected, but #2 was.. and so it was. #1 was first and "experimental in a way. They didn't know what they were doing, so the mom didn't know she should put up her wings and PROTECT. #2 would speak to her with "tapping", and mom understood. Kinda like sign language ie, morse code.
#3 came around, and Mom loved all of us, but #2 had to be protected. (middle child syndrome,? no, I don't think so.( #3 came about 5 years later. )- They had a special bond)
I lost all of them too soon...
DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY.. That just hurts.. And your mother doesn't want to hurt anyone. Take your position, and protect you, your mom, your dad, your sister, ESPECIALLY MOM... Play music, gather the family around mom when you can, make it a happy joyful moment or party. HONESTLY.
Do yourself a favor, put away those bad thoughts, your mom loves everyone of her pups... AND YOUR DAD TOO.
I have not read any posts, which I do a lot, but if your parents are still married, he misses her and he may just be frozen.
Tell her that you are there to visit her. After a different subject she will have forgotten what she said earlier. She may not remember you but she will talk to you nicely. But I do understand how you are feeling. Remember she loves all her children even if she does not remember. Good Luck.
But, she remembers my sister who visits once or twice a week.
It's the most horrifying feeling in the world. It makes me feel angry and resentful, even though I am aware that it is the disease.
The only thing that helps is participating on the Alzheimer's Dementia Caregiver's FB Support Group, where we all are able to vent without judgment.