He needs to have all his errands done by someone else. He gets confused when he’s driving. He can’t carry groceries. I’ve tried ordering them online but he won’t bring them in. He can’t clean or do laundry. He has several panic attacks a day. He had a major stroke 9 years ago but his behavior is getting worse. He literally won’t get off the couch except to go to the bathroom. He uses a walker. He also screams all day and some nights. He abuses his pain medication. Our divorce will be final some day this week. I want to continue to care for him, I just can’t live with him anymore because of the outbursts in the middle of the night. I recently saw that I can get paid to be his caregiver. That would have been extremely helpful the last 9 years!
He certainly sounds like he requires more care than any one person can do by themselves.
Instead of seeking pay to care for him,(which if you get any it won't be very much) why don't you seek to find the appropriate facility where he will receive the 24/7 care he requires and you can get on with your life.
I cared for my late husband for 24 1/2 years after he had a major stroke at the age of 48, and never once even thought that I should get paid for that, as when I took my wedding vows it was in sickness and health, till death do us part.
And here you are wanting to get paid to care for your soon to be ex-husband. Just when you think you've heard it all.
If your ex-husband is on Medicaid I know that they will allow a few hours paid help per week, and also if he is a Vet, they have what is called Aide and Assistance, that will pay for a few hours as well.
But again, whatever little pay you may be able to receive, I don't believe that it will be worth it.
And who am I to tell you not to care for a man that you obviously don't still love, but apparently aren't ready to cut ties with even though you're divorced? And surely it can't be for the piddly money you may get for "caring" for him, right?
You may need to rethink all this.
If love was enough you would not have had to divorce him. If love was enough you would not have had to live in fear of your life. If love was enough your husbands broken and damaged brain could have been fixed. But love isn't enough. Sometimes obstacles like these are not fixable and cannot be overcome, no matter your good intentions.
Your husband needs professional help. You cant be and are not the professional help he needs.
If you love him then do the right thing to help him by stepping back and away from this man and allow people to come into his life that may be able to help him.
You are not that person.
How would going back to this man provide you with "a stable roof over your head" after the abuse he's doled out to you??
You may not like the comments you get here on the forum, but let me say this: NONE OF US will ever, ever recommend that you go BACK into such a terribly abusive situation, where you claim to "be terrified". Not to mention having grandbabies over to such an unstable and volatile environment!
You may not like my comment either, but re-read your statements and ask yourself WHY ON EARTH you'd go back into such a dangerous environment? Love is not enough to risk your life for, and certainly a pittance of a caregiver wage isn't worth this risk!
You're better off in a women's shelter where they'll give you a stable roof over your head and help you find a job and an apartment of your own.
I say this as a woman who's been abused myself. I left his sorry arse in the middle of the night some 45 years ago and NEVER looked back. Because I'm worth more than being abused by some jackass. And SO ARE YOU.
The above is a good way to START your online search for information for your own state and area, but in many (most) states family members can get paid to be caregivers IF THE SENIOR IS ON MEDICAID. MissMom is correct that MediCARE doesn't provide for this.
You need to know that the payment is very small for what amounts to 24/7 care and that we on Forum often hear from folks who have gone jobless and homeless after the death of a parent, without a job history or savings to rely on. Moreover they often end with serious depression and mental breakdown.
Payment is usually only paid to IN HOME 24/7 caregivers.
I wish you good luck in researching this, but I recommend what you intend to do. This is a long slow downhill slog that has nothing to offer you.
I don't know if the OP has been back. I hope changes have been made.
I have seen ads for "freedomcare" but know absolutely nothing about them. They state in their ads that a family member can get paid to care for providing the care.
Best of luck to you.
What you are describing, he needs to be in a facility where his meds are monitored 24/7. He can't be left alone.
medicaid offers more if you are on that and all around services for both by state vary so I would research based on your specifics.
Please also look into his medications, as this could very likely be what is causing his behavior and pain. You can sometimes find even natural solutions that will not have all the horrible side effects.
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