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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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We don’t have a family member that can do this any longer. She doesn’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with expecting my aunt to just come live with her even though my aunt has her own family.
This question made me think. Once we r in our 80s/90s there is some cognitive/age decline. I think we get a little self centered. We have reached an age we should be able to do what we want or we don't see where our weaknesses are.
When my MIL got into her late 80s, my BIL was trying to get her into an AL near him. He would show her pamphlets and she would say "they are places for old people"
Your Aunt has to tell your Mom she can no longer help her. She needs to go home. She also needs to tell her that she is perfectly able to care for herself if she just makes the effort. Have Aunt give her a timeline. That way u may be able to convince Mom that she needs her therapy and Drs.
You don't say why you cannot care for her, I will assume its work and family. It is not what Mom wants at this point, its what she needs. She needs help and family is not able to do it. You may want to tell her that unless she allows outside help, LTC will be where she ends up. She won't have a choice if APS needs to get involved. Because, she can't expect family to care for her. (I believe in a little threat to get them to listen)
Just read your profile. You mom is most likely extremely frightened and depressed. Has she spoken to a professional in the mental health field to possibly go on medication and participate in talk therapy?
I realize that may not be possible now unless there is some type of online connection set up for you to utilize.
Maybe other posters will know of such services. I guess that you could try to do a google search in your area or ask her oncologist or primary doctor for an online referral to help her.
Address her mental health if possible along with finding a suitable facility for her to live.
Tell her it's just not possible. Tell her what her choices are: if she has the funds she goes into a care community and you will help her every step of the way as she transitions there. Or she can be in denial and be selfish and think people will orbit around her without their consent but when they stop showing up they will have to call the county as she degrades by herself and they will take guardianship of her and they will move her into a facility whether she wants to or not. So, she can choose to go somewhere voluntarily on her own terms, or she can create a sh1t show for herself and her family and in the end it won't go so well. Those are her choices...unless her family continues to enable her for some silly reason.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When my MIL got into her late 80s, my BIL was trying to get her into an AL near him. He would show her pamphlets and she would say "they are places for old people"
Your Aunt has to tell your Mom she can no longer help her. She needs to go home. She also needs to tell her that she is perfectly able to care for herself if she just makes the effort. Have Aunt give her a timeline. That way u may be able to convince Mom that she needs her therapy and Drs.
You don't say why you cannot care for her, I will assume its work and family. It is not what Mom wants at this point, its what she needs. She needs help and family is not able to do it. You may want to tell her that unless she allows outside help, LTC will be where she ends up. She won't have a choice if APS needs to get involved. Because, she can't expect family to care for her. (I believe in a little threat to get them to listen)
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-can-i-get-help-caring-for-my-mom-when-she-refuses-outside-help-and-she-refuses-dr-advice-457517.htm
I realize that may not be possible now unless there is some type of online connection set up for you to utilize.
Maybe other posters will know of such services. I guess that you could try to do a google search in your area or ask her oncologist or primary doctor for an online referral to help her.
Address her mental health if possible along with finding a suitable facility for her to live.
Best wishes to you and your mom.