Father diagnosed with vascular dementia with paranoia. He refuses to sign a POA saying it gives me too much power. I know that I'm going to have to file for guardianship, (he says he will kill himself when I do this). If something happens before the process is completed and he's unable to make a decision then who will make the decision? Several years ago my FIL was unable to make a decision about care after being hospitalized with nothing in place and the doctor refused to discharge him to anywhere but a nursing home. Am I looking at the same situation again?
You may be able to start the process by asking his physician to have a home health company do a safety assessment in the home. Home health can provide a psych nurse and social worker to advise the best situation. If they find he is not safe in the home, and he refuses to accept help, they will have to call DCF, as they are obligated to report unsafe situations.
If you're working and have a family/life, do NOT give up everything to care for your father. If he needs a NH, so be it. Better that than the 24/7 alternative.
Jesus, you abandon him to the state. They'll place him in a NH and you can visit as often as you like.
Life insurance - check the policy conditions, but - with named beneficiaries: this is a contract which must be honoured. Why wouldn't it be?
sbackers - I agree with PS, assuming you haven't already taken steps. Your father's threat is his way of saying he's strongly opposed: but he has vascular dementia and paranoia, that's rather the point. Not saying you shouldn't respect his feelings and take them seriously; but I wouldn't take what he says too literally, either. You have to do what is best for him even if he doesn't see it.
If it's a medical decision, his doctors will make the decisions if you can't and the patient can't. In the UK (it may be different in the US?), doctors have the final clinical say in any case, regardless of POA or guardianship. In terms of ongoing care decisions, a hospital team should consult the next of kin but will not necessarily be bound by their wishes (and when you think what some next of kin get up to that's probably just as well…).
I'll keep my fingers crossed that the process gets completed promptly for you.