I have moved my mom to a private facility. It was only intended to be during a respite period but they say she is doing so extremely well there - interacting, participating in the activities, eating and sleeping well - but most importantly NO aggression - something I was having trouble with at home with the caregivers. She is asking for me but so far easily redirected. They strongly encouraged that I leave her there. With all the positives and it is really a very nice place - so why can’t I stop crying - this is what I wanted.
"It has been 3 weeks now - I am going for my first visit tomorrow. Praying I don’t upset the apple cart."
Okay, best of luck! Be prepared for anything and try to hold the tears while you are with her. Might she devolve into begging to go home? It's possible, but distractions can help. Bring a gift. Focus on her, ask her questions, have her show you around her new "apartment", etc. If she gets "stuck" on the going home issue, agree but put it off to some vague future day, then try to refocus her onto something else.
If things get difficult, don't be afraid to ask a staff member for help, esp when it's time to leave. If they are good, they know how to distract mom so you can make a graceful exit!
just be careful:
the stay in the facility was supposed to be temporary.
1.your mother might not have minded, because she knew it’s temporary. so she was able to be happy while she was there, knowing she would return home. like when you’re in hospital and you’ll get out soon, so you might as well make the best of it.
i would absolutely hate to be brought to a facility as “temporary”, and then it’s actually permanent. i would, under some circumstances, feel very tricked.
for me, it would depend on the circumstances.
2.the facility says she’s happy. but that might also be to make you stay/pay more. maybe the facility treats people ok in the beginning, so they can try to keep the person/get money/make it permanent.
hugs! just be careful.
you said you recently visited. i hope you’re ok :). i hope your mother’s ok :).
sending lots of strength and love to you, everyone on this forum and our loved ones.
:)
bundle of joy :)