Saw mom today in MC. She is so frail. Falling asleep while eating...itching her skin obsessively slightly hallucinating about bugs and "unsupervised children". When will God give her peace and take her? Watching her suffer over and over again is breaking me. I know I will grieve so very much when she goes but my heart breaks each time I see her now. I know everyone here understands...when with this purgatory end for her?!
I know you all understand and I thank all of you for your kind words and sympathy.
These situations never get any easier to endure.
You will grieve for your mom when she dies but you will also feel relief. In time, you’ll remember all of the good times that you had together.
Sending you lots of love, support and hugs.
I loved my parents dearly; they were marvelous parents, wonderful people. But at the end, each passing in early to mid 90s, I was full of relief that I did not have to fear for them to stand witness to any suffering, full of relief that they did not have to be afraid any more of what was coming, did not have to suffer more pain. For my Dad in particular, he was so over it, so longing for death, or as he called it, his last long nap. He did so love naps and sleep time.
I can only tell you I sympathize completely and my heart absolutely goes out to you. And I so often remember in my brother's last weeks, doing the sort of prayer an atheist does, asking any power that be to come for him, asking his long departed love of his life to come get him, longing for him to go from me when for our entire lives we lived just about mentally attached at the hip.
I know it is of no help, of no use to you, but you are not alone in your feelings.
My mother became no one I knew, and after a while, I struggled to make myself care about this strange little old lady who had my mother's face. The worst was knowing that she'd have been horrified at what she became.
However, she didn't know, and by the end she thought she was 16 and back in high school -- her happiest times. She was unaware of the ghastly sores breaking out on her body, the pressure sore on her heel that wouldn't heal, or even the food she was no longer eating (and she'd never missed a meal in her life).
if it's any consolation, you're probably suffering more than she is, and it's wonderful that you still care enough to hurt for her.
Dementia is a horrible, horrible disease.
When she had terrible itchy "rashes" that nobody could see and no remedies worked to cure, a can of Dermoplast I bought at Walgreens finally did the trick. It has a numbing agent in it and its a cold spray. I wonder if that would help your mom?
Sending you a big hug and a prayer that moms suffering ends soon. Make sure hospice is keeping her pain free and anxiety free too.
mom. It made me a confirmed Death With Dignity advocate.