If they have the money to pay and they say they don't want to be a burden? My mom wants to live with me. She has the money for assisted living but refuses. She wants to leave the money to her children but won't use any of he money to help pay for her care. Some people have said she doesn't want to go to assisted living because she would lose her independence but she will lose that if she lives with me. She will be dependent on me. That's not independent. She doesn't have any significant health issues. She is still mobile without any canes or walkers. When she comes to stay with me she refuses to do anything for herself. Even bathing herself, combing her hair and taking her meds. She does these things for herself in her home but when she visits me she hands me the comb and says "comb my hair for me". I am going trying to decide whether to take her into our home. My husband does not want to. I feel obligated but I don't think I am ready for this level of care. Any advice would be appreciated. Especially from any seniors out there.
Three-quarters of facilities charge residents extra for a variety of services -- from bringing meals and delivering packages to making the bed and administering pills. "There is no limit on what you can charge for," says Jody Spiegel, director of the Nursing Home & Assisted Living Advocacy Project. One Los Angeles assisted-living facility began charging a resident, Carmen Lashley, extra fees when her health began to decline in 2011: $500 a month for administering her medication, dressing her, bathing her, wheeling her to meals -- on top of rent, and she was on a fixed income, says her daughter Maxine St. Prix. In January, Lashley was rushed to the hospital with a breathing problem; a physician recommended she move to a nursing home, so St. Prix notified the assisted-living facility. Still, the facility tried to collect one last month's rent and the extra $500 in fees, even though the contract indicated that in the event of a medical emergency, she did not have to give 30 days' notice. "A collections agency even called my daughter," says St. Prix.
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/10-things-assistedliving-homes-wont-tell-you-1344980948534
I love you, but cannot be responsible for you on a daily basis, luckily you have savings - please spend them on yourself. Either hiring at home help or in AL.
I need to focus on my own life and marriage and will always be there for you, I just cannot be there on an hourly, daily basis. I will visit you frequently and be in your life always.
Stay resolute - every queen deserves her castle - she is able to take care of herself - making you her maid servant is not right.
SMELLS. Noise all night long. Loud staff all night long. Televisions playing night and day, loud, especially if you have a roommate. On channels that you hate, like some drag racing or monster truck station. Or rap
If there was any way I could of not placed my Mom in one I would of.
But honestly everytime I visited my Mom I felt sick to my stomach. All these elderly people lined up in the lobby like cattle going to feed. I know suicide is a sin but honestly if I ever get to the point where I can't take care of myself I'd consider it. I have no children and even if I did I wouldn't want to burden anyone so I pray I die in my sleep or get struck down with a massive heart attack before I end up in a nursing home. I don't care how nice it is.
It is easy to see (as an outsider) that accepting her to move in with you would be a very bad idea. Husbands vote "no" should be accepted without forcing him to change his mind. And her personality style bodes ill for living with a daughter successfully. The third vote is also showing: your gut feeling that she tends to manipulate you into helping her with things she can do herself. That's plenty of votes! But, I remain intrigued about where these feeling of obligation come from in so many of us.
However, if there are any medical or personal care issues, ALF's want no part of them. There is no profit there and nothing in the budget for the extra staff needed. My wife worked in them for years. Some are more lenient than others, but for the most part it all comes down to the money. Yes it is convenient if you are wealthy enough to afford it.
NH's are a necessary evil with full care services, if their family keeps on them. Most are traditionally under staffed. A select few try and do the best they can, with what they have to work with, but the residents will never get the care they would from a willing family member at home. Starting at $6000.00 a month, depending which State, very few amount of people can afford, which is where medicaid comes in. They will go back as far as 5 years for income and financial worth before that is even considered. Make sure to have an elder care attorney on speed dial, yes another unexpected cost. Good luck everyone.