For the last 7 years I have been in crisis mode. It started with my BIL with a stoke, then a NH and still there (manage him from afar). Then a year later my SIL with brain cancer, moved in, then hospice and passing. Then mom dies unexpectedly and dad has to move in. He is ambulatory but needs to be cared for in many different ways, watch after medical care, finance and all the other things). My daughter moved in a year ago with her husband and now he is out of the house (yea) she is still here (I'm OK with that). So now everything has pretty much calmed down but why do I feel like I am in constant crisis mode? I cant get the issues out of my head that things have to be done. Everyone comes to me to fix or do or it is left to me to get done. It is hard for me to concentrate on my business (very important that I do). It is hard to relax, I dont see my friends like I used to. It just seems like every day is a crisis anymore even when it is not.
Major issues in this country and time, of delegation - with instant advice, but little training for management, for training to plan delegation and stay involved through the transition, and on the receiving end of new role delegation - no training for a learning curve and weekly check-ns, so that errors or risks are being anticipated and addressed.
So, the same people are the ones who handle most of the crises, while others are cheerleaders with little experience in specific case risks. What is passed on is lists for care by interchangeable caregivers, who don't learn to notice risks to issues not appearing on their lists to watch.
I have seen this dynamic repeatedly, and when I accept a challenge to "help" I work hard to be available to just watch teh situation repeatedly, show up, so I can see what might be best to do - It can be hard to change our focus, onto building skills to delegate and support and work with new people, because that is not an "on/off" process, even if so many people sellling their services or bystanders, think it is.
Maybe time to get some help. My guess is that an hour or two with a mental health counselor, sorting through all the crap you have been through and coming up with a plan for going forward would be well spent!
Its just like this AM when dads car heater does not work, I thought I fixed it but for some reason its is not working now. So he waits until last minute and then I have to come up with the solution. He says "I hope I can clean my windshield this AM with the heater broken". So I have him take my spare car (daughters car). Lets hope he pays attention to driving a different car.
Going to dinner with friends tonight. Need to get out more. I have spent so much time close to home it drives me crazy, the down side is my business is in my home to I am here in the middle of it 24/7 so crisis finds me. I tried the gym (hate exercise). I am very involved with many organizations in my business and civic so they help. But I need to break away once in a while. I just feel that I am "on duty" 24/7 and I never fully relax. Going away is hard because of the logistics. Have to sure sure someone is around to care for the house, Dad and the dogs. Now that is it just daughter, she is very helpful so we will appreciate her while she is living with us (not take advantage).
Need to find a way to decompress. Yes, Yogagirl, I do need a vacation, trouble is with a teacher we have to go around their schedule. Makes it difficult. I have planned a week at the lake for next summer, doing something for a week in April in warm weather, that is so far away tho.
Trust me, a short vacation will feel like heaven.
You will come back refreshed with a new perspective.
Good luck, and just know you aren't alone.
Early this year I started focusing on my health and it really has made a difference. Then, I started to work on a career change. I'm feeling much better and really hope that things will get better. The next step is for me to remove myself from people who are overly anxious. I think anxiety breeds anxiety. lol
Maybe a bad comparison bit it’s like the mom who went on strike. Family members had to learn to take care of themselves. Assign, delegate, relax.
That alert mode doesn't go away immediately, and sometimes it never does. I think caregiving can produce the same hyped, alert mode.
And the level and length of it would I assume vary by individual as well as would the response.
I've learned on some programs that ex-military people suffering from PTSD have found remediation through animals, caring for them, and accepting the unconditional and nonthreatening love animals have for their humans.
As to the preoccupation with issues needing attention, I've found it helps to create a project list and prioritize, starting with the most important ones, the basics. If you're familiar with zero based concepts, apply those.
I.e. list the projects that are creating the mental chaos, start with a clean slate with zero projects for the day, then add them in the order of importance. Cf., what absolutely has to be done today, what can be done tomorrow, and which are less priority and can be done when the higher level tasks are completed? That's what helps me when my mind won't stop churning and the tasks seem endless and all immediate.
I think of this when I read posts by people who have so much to deal with, but the typical female chores and responsibilities of cleaning are included. I.e., "I have to cook, clean, chauffeur...."
For caregivers, those are lower priorities in my opinion; care and health of the caregiver and elder are higher. The floor will get dirty tomorrow even if it's cleaned today, and the dust bunnies have managed to establish permanent residence.
Factor out the less important, keep only the mandatory tasks, then use the rest of the time for relaxation. And this applies to work as well; you always have to prioritize your tasks.
All the best, Arlene
I know that feeling, I still have it even though my last parent passed just over a year ago, plus two family pets recently from old age. I am hyper at work thus hard to concentrate. When can I finally exhale feeling, right?