Another Thanksgiving come and gone. Mom refused to eat in the dining room with the family. We made her a plate and took it to her in her room. Then she was offended that we watched a movie after dinner instead of coming in to talk with her. Everyone had spent some time talking with her prior to dinner. Today she is upset with me and hardly talking to me. I just wish one year I could enjoy my family for the holidays!
There are many things that can cause a person to isolate themselves: depression, physical health, dementia, a illness, being embarrass for some reason (could be cause over something you don't even know about), ashamed over something, just to name a few.
If your mom is offended over you watching a movie then next time invite her to watch it with you, of course, she will say no ,but at least then it was her decision! Put the ball in her court so to speak!
If Dementia is involved, people suffering from it get overwhelmed in crowds. How is her hearing, my husband doesn't enjoy crowds. Our TG was daughter doing the cooking for 18 people most in their 40s. We ate and left.
I know, you wanted her to enjoy the holiday. But SHE chose to stay in her room. The movie? I know u asked her and she chose not to join in. This maybe how she is going to be so just say "OK Mom your choice.
Anyway, when I called her on Thanksgiving evening, she was in a FOUL mood, laying the guilt on THICK! Saying she had a HORRRRRRRRRRRIBLE day because she was ALL ALONE LIKE A DOG just her and one other poor soul in the place. I said, "Gee mom, that's unfortunate and I'm sorry you had such a bad day." I proceeded to get OFF the phone as soon as I was able and that was that.
They can trot out all the games they care to, but remember, it takes TWO to play. Don't engage in the BS.
We went over there to visit yesterday & she was perfectly FINE, by the way. Even told us all about the skimpy dessert they had the nerve to serve her for Thanksgiving and how she had to ask for a SECOND slice of pie. Good thing all that heartburn and diarrhea cleared up so quickly, huh? :)
My father's vascular dementia never caused any major memory problems (one common early sign in most dementia); have you consider your mother might have some cognitive issues that are contributing to her behavior?
I am thrilled that people around me have expectations that are different from mine, and my husband, who is the BEST HUMAN BEING I’ve ever known, is much more “conventional” than I, and what I do to be “nice” “sociable” “pleasant” are totally based on pleasing him, and no other motivation.
If you KNOW how your mom is going to react Karol9766, why does it bother you whether she’s talking to you or not?
You’re not her social director.
You’re not her psychologist.
You’re not her therapy pet.
If YOU wish to celebrate a holiday in YOUR WAY, DO THAT. Her reaction to her choices is HERS, NOT YOURS.
So please CHOOSE to enjoy a lovely cozy, friendly, jolly Christmas or Chanukah or whatever your next family holiday gathering is, and enjoy choosing to not worry about Mom’s reaction to it.
so that said, give her what she asks for, enjoy your family and she can choose her behavior to either pout and do the poor me routine or participate in the day.
as a side note, I am 72 and don't care for all the hoopla either.
You can enjoy your holidays, just let her be, if she wants to join the festivities she will, if not, that is ok too.
I think we will all just be guessing because we don't know your normal dynamics or personalities, but I agree with Tothill that sometimes the noise, crowded spaces and general business of a room full of people can be too much for older folks, if she has hearing loss, visual impairments any or degree of dementia that will be compounded tenfold.
maybe she thinks that once the meal is over..it is “safe” for her emotionally to join back in...and is miffed that you seemed to exclude her? Maybe?
next holiday....let her know before hand that you have a certain activity planned after the meal...does she want to join...just so she knows
So daddy wasn’t crazy about the holidays. He wasn’t a Scrooge though. He went along with others celebrating the holidays.
Does she have bad memories of holidays? If so, maybe she would just rather ignore them. Lots of people are glad when the holidays are over.
It lives on. Some of the stockings are becoming threadbare. The oranges can now cause damage instead of providing relief.
im in a bit of a jam at work because i didnt stuff down a big holiday meal with coworkers . i sat and had coffee and chatted with several people . i dont think mr bigly will fire me over it but he might fire me for telling him to go fk himself when he refuses to give it a rest .
My daughter is like this. For her its being Vegan. She is sensitive to eggs so has to be careful what she eats. She didn't go to Tgiving because she didn't want to hear everyone making comments about "her food". Once she says NO thats it. If something happens tell them you felt harassed.
But it can also be lonely and your Mum realized that her decision had consequences that she was not prepared for. Let her pout, she may or may not come around. Just like with a child, ignore the bad behaviour.