I am feeling so guilty over not wanting to spend more time with Mom. I am there every night, and every other weekend but there are so many things I WANT and NEED to do that I feel guilty for not wanting to be there. I can see her slowly declining and I want her last years to be good ones, but I don't know how much more I can do for her.
I plan on taking her out Saturday to Hobby Lobby and then to lunch. That will probably wear her out because her stamina is not what it used to be.
Why do I feel so guilty???
Your mother needs more rest; you help her by granting and enabling her to rest as opposed to being active. That's one of the ways you care with love and feel good about yourself.
It's natural to grieve as well for the time you're losing, but you hopefully will have a lot of years left after your mother passes which can be spent on what you want to do. Think of it this way - are there any of these things that can't be done in a few years, 5 years, 10 years? And wouldn't you enjoy doing them more when you don't feel conflicted over your time allocation?
I keep telling myself that - there will come a time when I'll be alone and I'll need those postponed activities to help keep a level emotional keel. All that unused, pent-up desire will be rechanneled to that time. As I wrote, I keep, repeatedly keep telling myself that. Sometimes it really does work.
Guest, my name comes from my couponing but it does work for this situation too. I am 52 and still work a full time job. I just want to please everyone but I know I can't do that. I am trying very hard to put myself first but it is difficult!
Thanks for listening!
Are you sure you're experiencing guilt and not GRIEF? You're noticing you're losing her a little at a time. That is a REALLY tough realization.
Be proud, Saving. You're enriching her life more than you know.