I was sole caregiver for over ten years for both elderly parents and am now sole caregiver for my surviving parent, my 93-year-old mother, who is now frail and I dare not leave her alone. Over the years my own life has shrunk as caregiving became more consuming, but I do have two very good friends and confidantes who know I have been burnt out for a while. I support them in their own travails too as any real friends do. One of the friends has been so generous and supportive and anticipated all kinds of needs, but the other one hasn't even offered to come sit for an hour so I could do something urgent. I did ask her once to do so and she agreed, but then my appointment fell through. I just don't understand it and it hurts my feelings. My mother doesn't need any scary tending to, and my friend's own family obligations are few--her children are grown and her husband is still working in an actual office, so he isn't home during the day. Her own aging parents live out of town and stubbornly refuse to move, so she hasn't had to care for them yet. What could be going on?
Start looking for other avenues. If your mom has any kind of government funding help, SSI SSD Medicare/Medicaid a pension anything like that, that may help to pay for either an AL or a Home Health Aide.
It's time to cut your friends and yourself a little slack and do what's best for everyone, especially your mom.
Friend may *like* the Mom very much..
I would change the word *afraid* to *aware*.
She is *aware* of the responsibility of caring for your Mother".
She is probably also aware that the responsibility is in no way hers.
How about calling "Visit Angels," or seeking out respite care at a local senior facility?
I think it is UNREASONABLE of you to expect friends to be your unpaid sitters. I hope you compensate the friend that does help. Her time and generosity should not to be taken and used for free again and again.
It maybe helpful to kind of categorize and periodically recategorize friends as you each evolve.
There are friends who are able to offer say 3 skill sets. 1) great shopping buddy. 2) great foodie buddy. 3) great listener and advisor. After 5 years they offer more or less.
Recatagorize this one who's been letting you down in the Mind-Reading-and-Help category to the I Enjoy Her Politics category, or Garage Sale Buddy category, or Always Finds Great New Restaurants category.
Not everyone has to do something. I had a friend that was completely useless except she was hilarious.
It sounds like you need someone to fill in so you can attend to your appointments etc. hire an Aide to sit with her one day a or two half days a week so you can have some time to tend to your needs.
i am glad you have at least one supportive friend, you are blessed
Id keep her as a good friend, and get someone to watch mom. Maybe you 2, can go do something fun. And leave your caregiving burdens behind for a few hours. You need a break too, and shouldn't put that on her. Good way to destroy a friendship. Keep the friend and get a sitter.
This isn't your friends issue. You need to hire help.