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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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She helps one day a week only. Lies about having a job to get out of caregiving. She won't tell me straight up she isn't up to the job (I asked her). Help!!
What difference does it make *why* she won't help, we can all speculate until the cows come home and it won't change a thing. Bottom line is she can't/won't help more than one day a week (and there are plenty here who would envy you that much assistance), just accept it and look for other solutions.
As freqflyer & cwillie stated, some people are just are NOT ABLE to take care of sick people. So don't spend your time and energy trying to get your sister to take care of your Mom any more that what she is already doing.
Have you asked your Mom's doctor about hospice? Since your Mom is dying, then she and you need hospice to help you get through the final months of your Mom's life. God Bless.
I'm in the same boat here..My Mom moved in with me 6 mo. ago and we thought she was dying. Put her on Hospice and she has since been taken off since I took such good care of her...LOL but she can't go back to her home due to memory issues. I desperately need a break. I have a vacation scheduled at the end of the month and really don't want to put my Mom in a Respite Care Facility but when I told my sister that only lives a block away that the only way my Husband and I can go is if she stays here with mom she said its not going to happen. I guess its for the best since she has no patience with our Mom but for goodness sake I have to deal with this 24/7. I feel for you as well.
I was one of those people, couldn't be hands-on, but I was good with logistical stuff. Since I was dual Power of Attorney, I was able to take over my Dad's finances, thus write checks for his bills, and watch over his accounts. I also could take Dad to his doctor appointments, haircuts, get him groceries, etc. Maybe your sister could help with those things. Something to think about.
Glow- I understand your frustration. i have 4 siblings living that have not so much as even spoken to any of us in almost four years. Except one who calls when I prompt him to. Some people are not willing, nor do they have it in them to care. I would be ex static if one of them would visit my Mom once a week, Oh what joy. I have forgiven them that they have been the way they have. Because it was eating at me for a long time that they are out living and enjoying a non caregiving life. But, you know what, they are missing out. They missed out on the time with my Dad, and now they are missing out on the time with my Mom. Even though often times it does not feel so good, we are blessed to have this opportunity. This is a true labor of love. I will be praying for you. Don't put your focus on your sister, it will do you no good. God knows all, and he will hold each of us accountable for our lives, and they will have to answer for their actions.
I can sympathize with your anger Glow. I resented my family members too when my Mom was alive. Unless you are sick yourself or are the C E O of a major corporation no excuse for not helping with a dying parent is good enough and even then a little effort goes a long way. I think it does make a difference why, simply because it's your parent and they sacrificed for you. They missed sleep and put their lives on hold while they were bringing you up so your sister should step up to the plate.
You never mentioned what kind of Mom your Mom was and your sister's relationship with her. Was it good? Cause if it was, then yeah, I feel your pain. I know what it's like. My only advice to you would be don't let your resentment ruin you, cause my Mom has been gone for three years now and I still get worked up when I think of my sibling's lack of help during those last few years. It's over now and I'm trying to mend my broken heart still. That's hard to do when you can't let go of things.
My sister was not pitching in like I thought she should. Months later she told me she about several of her serious health issues and that she just cannot do it. She is doing all she can and at much sacrifice. Sometimes we just do not know the whole story.
Ask her to help with other stuff, as freqflyer suggests, maybe she can help with logistical stuff, which can be a real asset. (I've spent countless hours doing research for a variety of medical devices, procedures, etc) . Or help you with taking up the slack at home like with the groceries, cleaning etc.
If she wont/cant do that, then frankly she's just being selfish. And sticking you with all the work. I've seen and heard about this type of thing happening a lot. It's hard facing up to this side in some people. It really sucks when it's your family. I know for myself, when watching my cousins selfishness regarding their mom's care, I couldnt let it go. I ended up severing the relationship (not that it was much to begin with) But knowing that their behavior hastened her death, and furthermore, made her dying days filled with grief because of their total lack of care, was not something I could forget. I don't want people like that in my life. Maybe that's too harsh. I don't know.
Forgive. Every person has a gift and instinct. You can't force someone to know how to help, or to overcome a fear or aversion to facing a parent's mortality. I one of five. My sister and I are natural caregivers. She cared for our dad when he died of cancer. I'm caring for our mother who is about to turn 90. Our brothers once made a comment about my direct style of communicating. Working in this industry and seeing this ALL THE TIME, I told them I will always do my best for Mom and they can tell me if they want updates or not. Two of the three brothers get dizzy visiting hospitals, the other is single and has very little experience carrying for someone other than his dog. I told them I forgave them for their reaction and we each do what we do best. For instance, little brother invites Mom to share every holiday with his family. Big brother visits Mom every few months. Middle brother calls monthly. Big sister plays an online word game with her every weeknight. And I, little sister, take her to doctors, make sure she can use her cell phone, and fix her computer when she responds to spam. So, I say, forgive and keep moving.
bettina, I don't think what you said is harsh at all. My opinion of my siblings has probably changed forever. But in some ways, it's a good thing. I always felt that most of them lorded it over me all my life cause I didn't pursue a "career". I always worked but I've never been a corporate climber. My one sister even had the nerve to say to me when my Mom was dying, "maybe, it's a good thing you never did anything with your life, cause you had time to be with Mom" Ah, a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one. But, I'll take it. I'm happy I could be there for my Mom and I feel that if I was one to believe in leaving a legacy, then that could be mine.
I don't think God would greet anyone at the Pearly gates with a well done, you missed your Mom's funeral, but at least you put in some overtime at work.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Have you asked your Mom's doctor about hospice? Since your Mom is dying, then she and you need hospice to help you get through the final months of your Mom's life. God Bless.
I was one of those people, couldn't be hands-on, but I was good with logistical stuff. Since I was dual Power of Attorney, I was able to take over my Dad's finances, thus write checks for his bills, and watch over his accounts. I also could take Dad to his doctor appointments, haircuts, get him groceries, etc. Maybe your sister could help with those things. Something to think about.
Some people are not willing, nor do they have it in them to care. I would be ex static if one of them would visit my Mom once a week, Oh what joy.
I have forgiven them that they have been the way they have. Because it was eating at me for a long time that they are out living and enjoying a non caregiving life.
But, you know what, they are missing out. They missed out on the time with my Dad, and now they are missing out on the time with my Mom.
Even though often times it does not feel so good, we are blessed to have this opportunity. This is a true labor of love. I will be praying for you. Don't put your focus on your sister, it will do you no good.
God knows all, and he will hold each of us accountable for our lives, and they will have to answer for their actions.
You never mentioned what kind of Mom your Mom was and your sister's relationship with her. Was it good? Cause if it was, then yeah, I feel your pain. I know what it's like. My only advice to you would be don't let your resentment ruin you, cause my Mom has been gone for three years now and I still get worked up when I think of my sibling's lack of help during those last few years. It's over now and I'm trying to mend my broken heart still. That's hard to do when you can't let go of things.
logistical stuff, which can be a real asset. (I've spent countless hours doing research
for a variety of medical devices, procedures, etc) . Or help you with taking up the slack at home like with the groceries, cleaning etc.
If she wont/cant do that, then frankly she's just being selfish. And sticking you with all
the work. I've seen and heard about this type of thing happening a lot. It's hard
facing up to this side in some people. It really sucks when it's your family. I know
for myself, when watching my cousins selfishness regarding their mom's care, I couldnt
let it go. I ended up severing the relationship (not that it was much to begin with)
But knowing that their behavior hastened her death, and furthermore, made her
dying days filled with grief because of their total lack of care, was not something I could forget. I don't want people like that in my life. Maybe that's too harsh. I don't know.
I don't think God would greet anyone at the Pearly gates with a well done, you missed your Mom's funeral, but at least you put in some overtime at work.
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