I just placed wife in memory care yesterday-she refused to take meds or would fail to take them, has escaped house once and picked up by police and taken to pysch ward. I am very depressed and keep thinking I made a mistake. Neurologist will not see her because she will not consistently take meds. Anyone have any alternatives? I am approaching 90 and have been told that I can't help her anymore. Thanks in advance; I cannot afford 24 hr homecare.
Realizing that she is not safe at home and you can not care for her as well as you would like and finding a safe place for her is honoring the vows you pledged to each other.
Don't question a decision made with love and the best intentions.
the mistake would be to keep her at home and have her wander off and not get found until it was to late
As another poster said, you are now free to just love her more and worry about her safety less.
Memory care is a wonderful thing, and my dad would be so pleased to see how much better my mother is doing with professionals to care for her. He, too, did his very best for her, but a familiar face also made it easy for Mom to grump at him, not take her medications, and sleep away the days. Now she's much more stable because she gets her medication and lots of stimulation each day.
Lots of spouses visit at my mother's place, so you'll find friends with common concerns there, too.
Try to find some peace and take care of yourself.
Prayers for you.
It took a little adjustment, but now she appreciates the regular human contact she gets, 3 yummy meals a day, and her own cute, well decorated "apartment". The consistency in bathing, sleeping and nutrition - and a reduction in size/obligations environment - has really helped her to have peace.
I share this because even as a very vigorous-aged daughter I could not keep up with the wackiness and the needs Mom's declining condition demanded.
You did the right thing by giving her the dignity of having staff to do the mundane, while you can visit daily and call her Queen (I tell my Mom that and she loves it!)
Queen in her own "hotel". Yesterday she said she was happy and content with her new situation. A welcome outcome for me as I hope will be for you both too!
Yes, now you are lonely and depressed. You may need to see a psych or mental health counselor to help you through the early stages of this.
Although I am about 25 years younger than you, I have had to place my wife in either rehab or long term care for almost 30 out of the past 36 months,
She is home now, but I am much more depressed with her home. She is demanding and unappreciative both part of her narcissistic behavior. Her memory is in bad shape even though she is only 60 Y/O. I can tell her something this morning by afternoon she will not remember it. She then starts crying because things don't go her way.
I have to use a Hoyer lift to transfer her from bed to wheel chair and back. Those are the only transfers she does at home. However yesterday she wanted me to rinse her hair in the shower. This ten minutes after placing her in the wheel chair. When I told her I couldn't do that she wanted to know why. I can't get her in the shower. She says she can step into the shower . What? You can't stand to get into the wheel chair but you can stand to get in the shower. Of course she can't but she had forgotten already how she had been placed into her wheelchair,
I struggle to miss much sleep, no daytime naps even after not getting much sleep the night before, at 66 Y/O. (Note We have a 17 Y/O learning disabled son at home for his last year of high school) I don't know how you did it at 90.
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Yes, you did the right thing. Now take care of yourself and get yourself some help.
I’m so glad you realize that you have done all that you could and are now accepting much needed help for your wife.
You have not abandoned her. You are looking out for her by utilizing care from medical professionals.
Take care of yourself. She would want you to do so.
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