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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I'm so glad we have this forum to vent. Daughter 52 I feel much the same way. I'm almost 65 and dealing with my 84 year mother with Alzheimer's. I'm trying to get her in assisted living now but she doesn't want to go. I've spoken to the facility and told her she might create a ruckus but they anticipate that, but still, I expect my mom to give everyone a hard time. This facility does take Alzheimer's patients so I'm crossing my fingers.
I consider the time with my mother torture. I can't talk to her about anything because she has no clue what I'm talking about. All she does is ask the same questions over and over. And no matter how many times I answer she won't remember. I mean just 2 seconds after I answer her, she's asking me again. Over and over and over until I just lose it. Changing the subject doesn't help, she goes right back to it. Then when I holler at her she starts crying and I feel like a heal. But I can't take it anymore. I lost my caregiver and currently have no one and I'm an only child. Assisted living is my only hope. Like you I pray for the day I will be free of her but then I know I'll miss her or at least the way she used to be. The stress is killing me and my blood pressure is high even with medication. I know she's doing it. I just want to live the rest of my life in peace with my husband. We are getting older too, my husband is almost 70. So when do we get to live OUR lives???
I said this out loud once and I was so chastised that I never said it again. I would say, no, that this is not an uncommon feeling for many caregivers. I struggle with it alot all the time. I realize that when my mother is finally gone and I am free, I will get the chance to feel all the love she deserved. I do 'love' her deep inside but it is hard to recognize it in the daily muck. I want---no, dream of the day I am free.
The edge is near! But im really strong at this point, for now, im the type of person that when ive had enough and used up all my resources, ill just pack up and leave
Hi mamaj2911--I can't even begin to imagine how much you are going through having both parents with behavior problems. My father died when he was 68 from cancer, and now my mom is 85 and she has Alzheimer's. I miss my father terribly even to this day, but I also think what if he were still alive and had AD too. Taking care of one parent with AD is very hard, but two would send me over the edge.
Noo! You are not the only one. my mom drives me crazy and i want her to go away too, but ill tell ya my dad is just as bad, he had what he thought was a heart attack a few months ago, i was hopin he never came out of the hospital, am i evil for thinkin that?
I'm so sorry you are going through this. She definitely will need a medical evaluation. If aggression is a problem, even a nursing home will reject her. If you feel she is dangerous to herself (refusing medications, for example, and other behavior problems), you may need to get her Baker acted (after ruling out medical causes). Perhaps they can put her on the right psychiatric medications to control aggressive behavior, BUT that will have to be done if a nursing home will keep her. Also please note an assisted living facility will NOT take her if she has behavior problems. Assisted living is just that: They need some assistance, but they still have their mind intact. If the problem is entirely behavior, the correct psychiatric meds may alleviate the problem.
Windyridge is right--and we just recently had a very long thread about this. The evidence is in: Most of us feel the same way all or part of the time. Someone recently wrote about how much nicer (and less expensive!!) it was to have mother in AL rather than at home (with paid care). She, the daughter herself, made friends with the staff and enjoyed her visits like one big family.
It is much nicer!!!!!!!!!!! My husband is in bad shape and takes 18 meds a day. He can't hear anything I say and we communicate like Neanderthals. If I had to have my mother here, with her 12 meds a day and her incessant chatter and questions (that's another thread, lol), life would not be worth living.
Time to take action! Get in touch with the people who can help you: area agency on aging, elder lawyer, social services, adult protective services; and find a "place" , a home for her. I will for the rest of my life be indebted to the "place" where I first put my mom. I would not have been able to do it without their knowledge, expertise, and support. So, make that first call. Check out some places, find out how it will work, and how to get her there. Talk to her doctor and get his/her support. As Windyridge said, save yourself. You can do this.
No you're not by along shot. I looked at some of your posts and mommie dearest sounds like a real treat. I would try to get her in a facility one way or the other. Do you have POA, guardianship? We simply cannot let elder care ruin what's left of our lives. And don't even guilt trip yourself about this. Take measures now. She may scream and hate you etc. but so what. Save yourself!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I consider the time with my mother torture. I can't talk to her about anything because she has no clue what I'm talking about. All she does is ask the same questions over and over. And no matter how many times I answer she won't remember. I mean just 2 seconds after I answer her, she's asking me again. Over and over and over until I just lose it. Changing the subject doesn't help, she goes right back to it. Then when I holler at her she starts crying and I feel like a heal. But I can't take it anymore. I lost my caregiver and currently have no one and I'm an only child. Assisted living is my only hope. Like you I pray for the day I will be free of her but then I know I'll miss her or at least the way she used to be. The stress is killing me and my blood pressure is high even with medication. I know she's doing it. I just want to live the rest of my life in peace with my husband. We are getting older too, my husband is almost 70. So when do we get to live OUR lives???
It is much nicer!!!!!!!!!!! My husband is in bad shape and takes 18 meds a day. He can't hear anything I say and we communicate like Neanderthals. If I had to have my mother here, with her 12 meds a day and her incessant chatter and questions (that's another thread, lol), life would not be worth living.
Time to take action! Get in touch with the people who can help you: area agency on aging, elder lawyer, social services, adult protective services; and find a "place" , a home for her. I will for the rest of my life be indebted to the "place" where I first put my mom. I would not have been able to do it without their knowledge, expertise, and support. So, make that first call. Check out some places, find out how it will work, and how to get her there. Talk to her doctor and get his/her support. As Windyridge said, save yourself. You can do this.