About 6 weeks ago my 81 yr old mom became sick and was admitted to the hospital. From there she needed rehab in a nursing care setting. (I have cared for my mom in her home for the last 5 yrs. Alone and all by myself. Talk about burnout I had it. Her demands were constant. The worry was killing me.) So back to what i was saying. She entered a nursing home for 2 wks of rehab. Exactly 2 wks to the day- back in the hospital. This time serious, and in the icu. Bacck to the nursing home for more rehab. We had a meeting last week and all agree that she needed long term care and that she would stay there permantly. :'( 2 weeks almost to the day(thanksgiving) she was admitted back into the hospital in critical condiction in the icu again. Her immune system is so week. She has never been this sick. She has copd, chf, and dementia. Her lung disease has progressed so much, she never fully recovers and now it is affecting her heart. I can't help but feel that if she was still at home this might not have happened. The doctor did say that she is surrounded by new germs and she has a weekened immume system. I feel like I need to bring her back home and keep her well. What do I do? Sacrifice me and keep her well or send her back to the nursing home and watch her decline. The drs told me yesterday that one day she will not bounce back from this. I don't think I can handle the guilt of this. I have already lost her to dementia but I don't want to lose her. She is my everything. Does anyone have any thoughts?
You do need to think of your own health and happiness. I wouldn't want my kids to have to go through what you're going through for me....they deserve to have lives of their own. Aging is a tough thing. You're always feeling guilty if you do, and guilty if you don't....we want our parents to be treated well and with dignity and kindness. Ask around, and talk to your doctors to see if they can recommend a decent Nursing Home. Good Luck, and God Bless.
Carol
I have family who believe that if you put someone in a nursing facility that you've abandoned them, dumped them, and given up your right to be their next of kin. All I can say to them is that we are only able to do our best. For a lot of us, that means we have to take a lot of other people and things into account. Work, bills, marriage, kids, life's normal adult obligations. Some day they will come to understand when it's their parents in need of care.
I look at it this way - of course nobody *wants* to go into care. If they did, it would be harder to get into than Disneyland. I have also found the people who criticize placing someone into a care facility were also the same people who laid guilt for using day-cares when my kids were babies. At some point, you have to do what you must and what those other people think doesn't matter.
I told my guilt-mongers in my family that if they want to come up and take over for some shifts or help pay the bill, then I would listen to their opinions. Until then....zip it.