My dad has dementia and multiple complex health problems. I have POA and myself and immediate family all help with managing his finances, doctor's appointments, weekly visits, cleaning his old house, etc. Even though he's in AL, it's still a lot of stuff.
His siblings (all out-of-state) went from being in total denial to giving unsolicited advice. They want him to go back to driving his car, take extra supplements, get unnecessary medical equipment, and go back to his unsafe house. I think when they call him, they talk about what he should do and what we are doing wrong. Only 1 of them has visited twice for a short amount of time.
I had been updating them about health stuff when they've asked, but now I think I will only let them know if there's another life or death emergency. We tried to explain things repeatedly, but they don't get it. How do we deal with this?
I don't want to even suggest they become POA or he stay with them. I don't trust that he would get the care he needs and they would understand his medical needs.
There aren't any over the top behaviors with him now. I've mentioned the condition his house was in before (dust, spoiled food, extreme clutter, bills, mice), but that's not an issue in AL...which is one reason he's there.
Mom refused to consider that her sister was not going to get better. And even said she would have moved sister in with her if my father hadn’t been ill. It was so sad.
She lived with the other sister for a short time but then that sister began burning out, no one should have that burden of care in their 80's. My cousins did the right thing by moving Betty into a nursing where she was safe and cared for.
Luckily no one criticized their decision, except my mom and she only said it to me. It was Betty's savings they were spending, exactly what she had saved up for, my cousins had POA and knew her wishes. Nuff said.
Our elders probably remember how horrible nursing homes used to be (they really were horrid places). Today's facilities are really quite nice, and laws prevent abuses.
I hope you can find the right place for him and he and all concerned will find some acceptance.
Hoping things are improving for you. It’s hard dealing with all you have on your plate. You have our support from this forum 💗. Hugs!!!
His siblings were quiet for a while but popped up again. Sigh.