My father-in-law has finally given in to assisted living which I am so glad as he will be getting the care he needs. He does still have a home but is not safe for him to be there, as he thinks that he can go back there for a few hours each day and then return to assisted living later in the day. I do not think this would be a good idea but my brother-in-law insists that there will be no issues with this. Has anyone ever done this? What are your ideas on this.
If your brother in law thinks that he can do this, then BIL should sign dad up for adult day care and commit to being responsible for the rest of dad's care needs.
This is a TERRIBLE idea. What is BIL going to do if his dad refuses to leave?
FIL thinks he can sleep and eat at the ALF and return to his home for "a few hours" each day. Well, he can if he likes. He's not a prisoner. He can go where he pleases.
But how's he going to manage it? I wonder if your BIL is taking this line as a bit of a ruse. If that's what it takes to get FIL's agreement, let's go with it; and then once FIL is actually resident in the ALF we can work on his practical routine.
Or, if BIL is happy to undertake the ferrying back and forth, and the negotiations on days when FIL wants to stay in his house for "a few more hours," let them try it. Just make sure you're not on the volunteer drivers' list.
He had no interest in arts & crafts, bingo, etc. & he couldn't smoke at the facility. At home he felt comfortable.
It was tedious for mom & uncle doing daily transportation. Otherwise it worked out for them.
He has not 'given in' to Assisted Living at ALL if he's expecting to go back home every day for a couple of hours!!
Not a good idea at all, based on my experience with my own parents in AL.
Good luck!
Your family has the right to call a Care Conference at any time. Call one and make sure BIL is there. It’s a good idea to call one within the first few weeks of admittance. Have the staff kindly explain to BIL that to switch between the two residences is very confusing to his father and will be difficult for all of you. He may be more on board with their experience and knowledge.
From what I can determine your BIL is his son? Sons see their fathers as the leaders of the family, and they do not want to bruise their fathers ego. It is complicated, as the son sees himself through his father, strong, healthy...a leader...this is a difficult adjustment on both of their parts. The father is no longer who he was, yet the son wants to maintain a façade.
Who has your FIL Durable POA, who is going to make sound decisions for him when he can no longer do this for himself?
Call a Care Council meeting, make sure all parties are there, perhaps the facility can help him to understand. Good Luck!
As for when he brings it up during your visits, suggesting he call his attorney is good. I wouldn't focus on saying YOU would not support his return, but place the blame elsewhere (doctors, courts, etc.) then try to change the topic or leave.