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Dear anonymous, this is your life. You are a giving and loving person but this is YOUR life. Read all the suggestions and make plans for yourself--good and positive plans. Seek to have hope again. You have given your mother your life and it is time for you to find yours. Get someone or an agency to take over. Find yourself and live the life you were supposed to have as a lovely young lady. This will not be easy -- it will be very hard but very very worth it. God bless you!
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I posted a few days ago but I can't get you off my mind. I was a nurse before having to medically retire a few years ago. I've taken care of many patients the size of your mother. The reason I retired early is the condition of my back after 15 surgeries on various parts of it. I can still walk, but not without pain. I am 61 but often fear for what may come in my own future due to just not having any help turning and changing diapers of the obease patients I cared for. I did not have to do this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I can well understand the damage you are doing to your own body. Let's fast forward a year into your future. You are still taking care of your mom at home, but not without much damage to your own physical and mental health. She has become weaker making your job harder and you both are deeply depressed. She has pressure sores on her back and bottom just because she can't get off of it. They have become so deep that you can actually see bone there. She continues to go to the emergency room at times, but they seem to always send her home to your care just because you haven't spoken up loud enough to the right person. I know you love your mom and have much gratitude to her for being there for you as you grew up. You may have even promised her that you would always take care of her and never put her in a nursing home, but what if you had stood your ground and gotten her the real help she needed? She may have been healthier in that next year, able to walk and do some things for herself, even though she is in a nursing home. You are in college, have a life of your own, but go by and visit with her as much as you can. You and your mom's depression and physical health are being dealt with. You both have settled into the changes in your lives and are much happier. She may not live much longer in either of these instances, but you would not be carrying the guilt around with you knowing that there were professionals out there that could have taken care of your mom. She doesn't want to be the way she is and you don't want it for her, either. This situation is much bigger than anyone can handle on their own. Go right now to the emergency room by ambulance with her and as she is being checked, you tell everyone that is checking on her that you are not able to do this any longer. You don't have to do it in front of your mom. Ask to speak to them in private if you would feel better doing it that way. She may get mad at first and say some very mean things to you, but I would be willing to bet that somewhere down deep, she knows what has to be done. Your life is not going to be easy for the first few months, but I believe you have it within you to go get that college education and be happy. I did not start college until I was 32 and had 3 children. I am still married to the same man I married at 18, was the first person in my family to have a college degree and had lots of obstacles in my path to do so. I know you can do it. I am praying for you and will not forget about you. Please come back here and let us know how you and your mother are doing.
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You are not tied to this house! You make a choice everyday to stay and take care of her. Comb tact the health department and tell them that you have been caring for her for ten years and you will not give up the rest of your life. If your mom is on Medicaid, call the social security office and ask for a case manager to assist you in finding appropriate living arrangements. Give them a deadline. Tell them you are moving and can no longer care for her and she needs to be placed by a certain date. Do not give them an open ended situation because you will be left on the bottom of the pile. Let them know that you have tried to place her by yourself, but have not been able to. They have a little more power because they pay the bills for many people in the nursing homes. If she does go to the hospital before you get her plAced, immediately ask to see the discharge social worker. She is going to try to put you off and tell you that she needs to she what the reccomendAtions are and they will not know that u til she is ready to go. Tell her that going home is not an option. Many times they assume discharge back home. That will give her time to find a bed.
Do not feel guilty. Ask yourself, do you want to have a family of your own? Well your chosen one is not going to knock on the door, see this situation , and say,"wow, I want some of that!"
If you are concerned about housing, reapply for financial aid. If they know that you have no home to stay in, they most likely will provide for meals and dorm. Make a plan do not let time fritter by while your life is frittering by as well.you will not be able to have children no matter what age you are.taking a page from TV, an old soap opera, "like sand in an hour glass, these are the Days of Your Life".
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