I've been taking care of my mother for 10 years now since I was about age 16 and she started getting older.,I dropped out of highschool and got my ged and still taking care of her,she's 300 pounds and 63 years old,suffers from incontince due to butt surgery and she's absolutely frightened of outside world, she suffers from agoraphobia and hasn't been outside the house these last ten years unless it's with ambulance people . I love her to death and over the years I didn't mind taking care of her as with it I had a roof over my head,warmth,food, a somewhat stable life I run the house,pay bills,cook,clean,pick up her pills,dishes,laundry,everything . a therapist I visited once told me I had unhealthily codependency and I had a bout of very bad depression and so I tried to come up with hobbies to keep me going, bike riding,reading, spending lots of time online. About a year ago she threw her hip out and couldn't walk the distance to the bathroom anymore and thus had to start using a commode chair which I cleaned and would wipe her butt and change her diapers , again I didn't mind, it was depressing though and I felt burn out massively . Then not to long ago she developed cellulitis leg infection was admitted to a hospital and that infection turned into sepsis. She got better but sadly she came home to soon and thought she could do simple rehab at home. Once here though she discovered that she just didn't have the strength to stand at all, so now she sits on the couch with a bunch of underpads under her and when those pads get dirty I try to sorta tilt her and put new ones in, but I'm a 25 year old woman clocking in at a weight of 174 trying to move around 300 pounds by myself. I'm also now wiping her butt every single time she poos , I have her lean forward and I use baby wipes. It's so exhausting and my back hurts and i put icy hot on at night to sooo my joints. We had home healthcare services out here and since my mother can't stand they've declared her unsafe and won't come out anymore, I've been in contact with department of social services aging and they are looking for a nursing home place for her but they say because she's on Medicaid, is 300 pounds and incontinence, the available places are slim and right now there's nothing available and some places just flat out won't take her.i feel such a burnout, I know I'm depressed, I don't have anyone else to help with this , I'm all by myself and have no other family, I know we can't afford a caretaker program to come in because at her size she's going to need atleast two , i miss the days when she could stand, it was so much easier then, I cry at the drop of a hat these days and then we argue at the fact I'm crying when she's the one who can't get up. We nitpick and argue and then we cry and apologize to eachother. I got accepted into a college but I don't even know if I could dedicate any time to it with how she is now. I just needed a place to vent and whine and not feel so alone in this.
Are you still seeing the therapist? Does it help?
The fact is, you MUST get out of this situation, for your mother's sake, and for yours. It is, indeed, unhealthy (for both of you). Is she on a waiting list for the facilities than can handle her? That would be a good first step.
Can you go to college and support yourself? Where will you live? At 25 you need to be self-supporting. Student poverty is a suitable lifestyle for now, if you can manage it.
You are facing two practical issues: how to get mother placed where she will get the best care available for her, and how to manage to get your education.
And you have a huge emotional challenge. A therapist can help with that.
Normally Medicaid could be a solution in finding a placement but if her weight and incontinence are issues, I don't know what any alternatives are.
I feel for you; it's very difficult and depressing to feel trapped in this kind of situation.