73-year-old wants to move out mother, Health concerns diabetes and depression. So my mother's been living with me for 7+ years and a couple days ago I learned it she's been secretly planning to move out. Her plans are for the end of this month and although I've talk to her it appears that she has a job offer to babysit and free room included in a friends home I've never met. It sounds like a great employment opportunity free room $200 a month I want the best for my mother. On the other hand I've had to look after her affairs in the last seven years couple car crashes regulate dispense her medications and cope with the mood swings's, not to mention the extra clean up due to her poor eyesight. In saying all this I already feel guilty. I have always longed to have a great relationship and my mom, and because of my busy lifestyle, and her former busy lifestyle (she is now retired). We were never able to really enjoy each other. My mom isolating her bedroom watches TV all day and my only chance to bond with her is in the evenings and it usually through the door when I'm letting her know that I love her and I want her to dreams with the angels. I feel horrible, have a been a terrible daughter are the questions that are pressing my mind, I don't know perfect, I have an adult daughter grandchild adopted son and grouchy husband all under the same roof. I could sense her resentment towards me at times and I wonder if she's moving out because of me. I admit I've asked my mom to let me do the dishes to not worry about cleaning my stove and countertops when I've seen her cleaning with a dirty rag, I admit because of the younger grandchild and vegan daughter at Times I may have looked annoyed by her grease splattering meat cooking, alarms set offs and washed dishes with food particles her eyes failed to see. I've tried my best but I'm wondering if Ive chased my mother out and she secretly holding resentment towards me. I've asked her if she says no, told me she never promised me she would stay with me forever when she came here. I voiced my feelings and concerns but she's made up her mind. My mom is mobile she still locally (street) drives. Shes Spanish-speaking set in your ways. And at times very talkative which has caused me to cut her short when I'm on my way to work, I wonder again if she's leaving because of me. I post this because I want to know if I am the only one suffering from guilt when they're aging parent wants to leave.
As for babysitting, unless at 73 she feels and can get around like a 53 year old. If so, good for her. The job will make her feel useful again :)
Let her go, and tell her the door is always open if she should decide to move back in.
You'd feel even worse if she made food for the children and with her grease splattering, managed to burn down their house because she couldn't see the fire initially. I'm far less concerned about your relationship (sorry) than the possible safety concerns of her watching children.
And as a side note, I think you're being far too hard on yourself. It sounds like you've tried to do what you could for your mom.
Your mother is planning to move to a household you know nothing about, where she will help with babysitting, be paid $200 per month (which even including room and board is really only a courtesy, pocket-money), and live with this other family. Well, now.
Your mother is a free agent. If she wants a new purpose in life, money of her own, more independence, that's fine, it's even admirable. Good for her! But it's hardly unreasonable for you to want to know more about it, and more about the people she's going to be committing herself to, and for how long? What's the plan?
Talk to her about it. Find out what the main attraction is, and whether this particular option is going to work out well for everyone. Stop worrying about whether you have "driven your mother out" of your home (I doubt it. Would she hang around for seven years if that were really the point?). Use this as an opportunity to figure out *along with her* what is lacking in her life and how it might be put right.
I wouldn't suggest going behind her back at all; but it would also be only responsible to find out what the babysitting part of this deal entails, and whether that's realistic. If the children are, say, 7-12 years old and just need someone to be there after school until their parents get home, meet them off the school bus, supervise their supper and so on; then sure, maybe that would work. But if they're younger or there is driving involved... maybe a bit of a rethink is needed.
Get her to talk, and ideally get her to introduce you to the friend. You couldn't stop her going even if you wanted to, but that doesn't mean you can't discuss your mother's whole situation with her and help her find the best way forward. Just make sure she knows you're on her side.