My mother is 90 years old and has dementia. No matter what I do to help her, try to please her, nothing I do, can I even get a simple thank you. I think this is part of her disease pattern, but does anyone else have this problem. I feel used and abused. I have no other family to help or discuss this with.
I know that it's important to feel appreciated by just that simple 'thank you.' Because I liked it when dad said it to me... If I recall my caregiving days with mom, I remember describing myself as a 'Drudge'.
Does your mother give any other signs of appreciation? A small smile, maybe? A light touch on the hand? You know with dementia, she's going to continue downhill. Maybe for your sanity, it's time to stop viewing your mom as a normal person?
Oh! When I first found this site, after a year of reading people recommending Teepa Snow, I finally googled her and found some great YouTube videos. I remembered watching the mini-series. I Still have my notes on those videos. Oh my, I learned sooo much! If you haven't watched it, I strongly recommend you do!
My favorite of her YouTubes was the short video parts: youtube teepa snow making visits valuable
Well - b***** me! - one thinks.
Be glad you don't have siblings who get the emotional red carpet from her just for turning up once in a blue moon.
The thing is. Expecting appreciation, or even awareness, from a 90 year old with dementia... You might as well expect it from the chair she's sitting in. Social interaction of all sorts involves a complex chain of brain processes, and the chances of your poor mother's head being able to keep a complete chain going are increasingly slim.
How long have you been your mother's caregiver? Do you have any support at all?
My mother's goal is to preserve the inheritance. While that's nice, what I don't like is the expectation that I am fully supportive of this. I don't know why *I* have to participate in her obsessions about this. It's my time. And I only get 1/4 of the inheritance. It's just one of the reasons why I refuse to be her personal care attendant ever again, or to even clean her condo.
I learned that with dementia, the patient often loses the ability to really process information or display gratitude. I think it helps to read a lot about the condition, go to You tube and watch videos, discuss with others, etc. And also, to adjust your expectations. We may just not get that appreciation from our LO's that we earn for. So, we may have to pat our own backs occasionally. You know your dedication. You will get jewels in your crown one day. I try to look at it that way. Just finding peace by doing the right thing. Even if it's not acknowledged in this life.