I have been taking care of my mom for over two years. My brothers helps very little (they are always too busy to help). Now mom is on hospice. I don't know if she is going to die or not but I am left alone to make all the decisions and I don't have anyone to talk to (my mom is my best friend and my brothers don't like to talk about emotions). I'm alone, tired, and scared and I guess I just needed to say it to someone.
Mostly I don't know what to do. There is no cure for old age. So I make all the decisions in the house from what to eat for dinner to what medical change to recommend to the doctors. No one else seems to care. I would like to find a doctor who actually cared, but I think they are becoming a thing of the past.
This sounds depressing. I guess it is. It would be nice if family and medical people cared more. It would make life easier for caregivers.
I have no family at all. I lost friends years ago when I moved the 200 miles to care for her and other people you might meet really don't want to know as, not having been there, they just don't understand what you're going through. When your mother passes hopefully you can build a new life for yourself, one that you so totally deserve.
I think that's because we're undertaking such an important responsibility, many of us without any medical background. It's natural that we would be concerned if we're making the right decisions. These are uncharted territories for most of us.
As to hospice's advice, I believe they have experience and know what the signs are, whereas we don't necessarily have that insight or ability to make the medical assessment.
I would clear out my schedule to be available to stay with your mother for the next several days. If you do need support, there are many people here who can help you through. The hospice staff may also offer some comfort and guidance.
I would say whatever I wanted to say to your mom, assuming that these might be her last days - tell her how much you love her, how much she's influenced and made your life worthwhile, and make sure that you provide her with the most emotional comfort you can. Make the most of these days and if she does pass, be confident that you've helped her through these days and you both have said the goodbyes you feel are appropriate.
I hope your Mom is peaceful in her journey...
You can hold your head high knowing you cared for your Mom to the best of your ability with lots of love...