My mom is in rehab after broken hip, hospital, pneumonia, then C-Diff. FEEL SO GUILTY NOT TO SEE HER MORE! I call the nurses every day, sometimes twice to check on her condition, talk to physical therapist and doctor regularly, too. Have to deal with so much, including changing her insurance so she'll be covered and spending hours investigating that.
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and am having a painful flare. It's Sunday (I saw her on Thurs, and she slept through the whole visit) and I just feel so GUILTY about staying home to rest and care for me. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Mom bounces from hospital to rehab back to the hospital and she doesn't know what day it is or where she is. Vast majority of time she will recognize me and chat for 10 seconds then back to sleep. I know my Mom is getting the best care in the hospital and she isn't alone as there is always a nurse, tech or volunteer peeking in on her. I know I also feel guilty not being there but how long can you watch someone sleep?
You are doing as much as anyone could possibly do. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Remember, you can't help mom at all if you ruin your own health. It doesn't sound like she gets much out of your visits at point.
This is a mental exercise that might help. Imagine you get dressed and go to the rehab to visit your mom. Envision you walk in and say hello, she looks at you and returns to sleep. You wait awhile and then leave. You drive home and then are able to say that you visited. The end result is that you are assured she is okay, which you can do by calling. And she doesn't remember you were there, which is the same with a phone call. So the end result is the same. I might weigh the pros and cons and try to approach it by looking at the big picture.
If you do go to visit in person, wear a mask. With your condition, you don't want to pick up something.
Telling you that you shouldn't feel guilty is useless, in my opinion. I think your head already knows that. It's your heart that's broken.
Take care of yourself so you can go on and occasionally bring some joy to your mom's life. I hope you can see that you simply must do this.
This is Not Your Fault. (I assume that you know that, but a reminder might be worth while.)
I think no matter how you were raised or what your natural temperament is, caregiving generates a certain amount of guilt feelings. Or feelings we interpret as guilt. Personally, I believe in many cases the feelings are really frustration and helplessness, We want to be able to control the situation, and we can't.
But whatever the uncomfortable feelings are right now, you need to be able to push them waaaaay to the back of your mind and not let them get in the way of make reasonable, rational decisions. Right now that appears to be to use this opportunity to take care of your own health. First, because you deserve to be as healthy and strong as you can be for your own sake. And second, because that will ultimately be best for your mother.
Continue with the phone calls. Stay home when you need to.