I seem to get angry when one of the people I look after acts unable to do anything on her own. She does all kinds of things when I am not there. I know I may be expecting to much but want to change my attitude and reduce this anger. She has breathing problems and gets short of breath it just makes one feel used at times
I was in the University's medical school today, and I saw a series of framed posters in a hallway, explaining why they research and why they teach. There were posters about diabetes and cancer, etc. One said "because if you can't breathe nothing else matters." I thought of this post which I'd read last night.
Your care receiver (CR) has breathing problems. She experiences shortness of breath. The impairment is severe enough that she is deemed to need some care assistance. She does things on her own while you are not there. Does she do them easily? Does she get short of breath, to the point of being terrified, of maybe having panic attacks? Are there some things she just lets go because she "can" do them but after a bad spell she just doesn't have the energy to do them? When she knew you were going to start helping her did she think, "Oh thank God! Now I'll have at least some time each week when I can take it easy, and fight for every breath"?
I think sometimes that COPD issues don't look as severe as they are. If you can't breathe, nothing else matters.
Maybe what your CR expects is not fair to you. Maybe giving in to her would not even be good for her. But can you really blame her for trying? Maybe she is consciously trying to take advantage of you, but I suspect in her place I'd probably go for all the help I could get, too.
How much you should do for her and how much you should encourage her to do for herself is a judgment call, and one you'll get better at as time goes on. But even if you don't wait on her to the degree she thinks she'd like, it doesn't seem to me that anger is an appropriate response. (It doesn't seem productive to you, either, or you wouldn't have posted.) Compassion for her very real impairments would make you both feel better, I think.
Establish some boundaries about what she can expect from you. Stick to them -- except be flexible enough to recognize when she truly is having a bad day and needs a little extra help or just an extra dose of TLC.
We all get frustrated and angry sometimes in the caregiver role. It is certainly a role where we are constantly reminded that life is not fair! I think it is commendable that you are looking to reduce your anger level. Good luck!
So don't let this patient snooker you. Tell her she can, she can, she can.
there was a thread on here recently about why an 84 yr old man wouldnt help out around the house. with or without health issues the sob is EIGHTY FOUR years old. if i were him id try to get the best nights sleep ever so i could muster the energy to jab the complainer in the eye with a fork, then id go back to bed..