Today mom announced that I don't include her in my social life enough. Let's put this in perspective. I moved half way across the country to her house leaving behind friends and a boyfriend (who has since flown the coup because he couldn't handle all the mama drama and who can blame him). I reconnected with a childhood friend here who I see maybe a half dozen times a year due to caregiving for Mom and the fact that my friend is married. I work 20 hours a week doing dog walking so as much as I love my doggy charges, a social life they do not provide. In between the dog runs, I use that time to run errands and maybe call one of my friends I never see. The rest of the time I'm here with mom. And yet according to mom, I'm "leaving her out" of my wild social life. S m h .
They often don't want the kids to have friends either, partly because they think friendship is worthless and partly because friendship gives emotional support to the kids and makes them more independent. It sure was that way with me, though it took me years to figure out it wasn't me and my inadequate social skills so much as her sabotaging every relationship I might have had. I remember her saying she didn't think school friendships mattered because you left them behind when you left school.
Nowadays she moans that.she doesn't have any friends, She is also bored all the time as she has never developed any interest in anything. That would take effort and other people are supposed to be making all the efforts on her behalf.
Like you, I gave up home, career and friends and moved 200 miles to care for her for the four years before she went into a nursing home. She couldn't possibly move to live near me because "I have sooo many friends". Yeah, right, I quickly discovered she had no friends at all and, being a pathological liar, had been telling people I lost my job and she saved me. A mutual friend suddenly stopped speaking to me eighteen months ago, no doubt due to Mommie Dearest's lies. I'm not allowed to have friends you see as she's so jealous. Every boyfriend I ever had was run off because "he only wants MY money", so I guess I've always felt worthless.
She's been in the nursing home two and a half years and is still wailing about being bored and lonely. There are 60 other residents and tons of activities but she stays in bed and wallows in her pity party. One long ago acquaintance drops by 3 or 4 times a year, another once or twice a year. Apart from them it's all up to me to keep running down there to entertain her while she lays in bed and complains about anything and everything. She's been the mother from hell all my life and I'm so done. It's taken me a lifetime but I now know it's her, not me.
I will continue to drop by from time to time and run her errands, but not so often now as the stress has been eating me alive. I'm rebuilding my life ... it's my turn now to have the life I want and follow my dreams.
As your mother is severely disabled it's time for a nursing home where she can receive professional and perhaps make new friends her own age. Look into your options as this situation is only going to get worse until you yourself become ill.