Hi, everyone, I have been on this site for several years and have gotten great info concerning my 91-year-old mom with dementia. I live about 3 miles away and do about 22 hours a week of care at my mom's. She is doing OK, but I see deterioration. Also, every visit is an adventure as I'm sure many of you know. My question: When you are in this negative atmosphere, how do you flip the switch when you leave to resume your regular life/day/hopefully positive attitude. When I leave, I sometimes feel like the cartoon character literally flooring it down the street. Literally like an escape. Sometimes I feel like I figuratively have to take a shower to wash away the toxicity. Yes, I know all about the things like read, take a bubble bath. I guess I am looking for some kind of quick mental cue or switch that I can use, that takes maybe 30 seconds, and that allows me to go food shopping or exercise or whatever in my normally positive framework.
I suppose it was a symbolic switch. But I'd guess there's also a subtly different feeling in your feet, as you go about your business, that might help remind you....or help you forget!
Also you could look into EFT or "tapping", where you do kind of a brief self-acupressure to shift out of less helpful emotional states. Lots of videos about it on YouTube.
It might be my own fragile health but I’m exhausted after even talking on the phone with them so I settle for a quiet mindset and sleep for a couple days. In MY bed and in my house. Only my husband and I and our 15 year old cat live here. No arguing and no anger!!!
Maybe I was fortunate that my mother lived over an hour away and I had the time to decompress in my car on my drive home after spending each weekend with her. I tried to leave early enough so I could maybe stop and see my in-laws along the way or do a little shopping. I varied my route so I could see different things. If I was still in taking care of mom mode when I got closer to home I just drove around a bit more or found a scenic spot to get out of the car and relax with nature for a bit.
A while back I set up a sort of man cave in my basement, old easy chairs, tool bench, my guitars and amps and my old 70s stereo system and records. And a tv of course.
The wife and I both have bad feet and ankles, mine from a mis spent youth playing football, hers from getting stomped on by her damn horses. So we can bike in summer or snowshoe in winter but hiking is no good.
We got a schwinn air dyne bike about a month ago. It cost stupid money but is very well made, easy to adjust for our different sizes (5 ft 5 to 6 ft 4) it does upper and lower body, and I stuck it in the basement man cave. Man/Women cave now...I guess....
Set up headphones on tv and stereo so we can rock out or watch tv without bothering the one upstairs. 30 minutes or so is a great workout. You can go old guy/old lady speed or feel the burn and all that.
Really helps with the winter blues and is good for right after a weepy phone call with my mom in AL. Money well spent for us.
I tend to be a stress pot anyway, after a lifetime of anxiety-inducing situations and inundation with dysfunctional caregiving situation for past 6-7 years, and I have some lingering issues with high cortisol causing problems with my sleep, causing tension headaches, etc.
The deep breathing is a great tool because it's something you can do anywhere, anytime for on-the-spot physical state change up. I was surprised to learn about this tapping technique and it seems so... bizarre... but it does have an affect of pretty instantly calming any headaches or intense feelings I'm having. You might look it up and try it when you're ready to change states from being "ON" to turning things "OFF" for the day.
So, maybe for a quick fix, you can keep on your phone some pictures of your children or spouse or pets, or your garden, anything that is positive and look at them when you're in the car before going home. A picture is worth a 1000 words as the saying goes. Think about what you are going to do with the people/pets/things in the pictures when you get home. Hopefully, those thoughts and images will chase away the ones you don't want at your mom's place.
Barbrooklyn- audio books are great. They take me to another place right away. My kids and I love to listen to stories when we drive around.