Seems my mother can find no one else but me to blame, well. Everything on! So have decided to just realize it and let it roll. Sounds easy huh? LOL Well it is not and so dang sick and tired to her endless blame, paranoia and hatred. She never cuts me a break ever and her I am the one who is her friend. Seems she hates me?
Try a reversal on her... when she blames you for something, agree with her, "your right, Mom". That might catch her by surprise.
Or if this paranoia and hatred is something recent, have her primary doctor check your Mom for an urinary tract infection as that can cause an elder to become mean spirited.
It's a no win situation. If she forgets to do something, it's because I didn't remind her. If I remind her a few times, she gets mad. If I ask her why she's mad, she says it's because I won't quit bothering her. It doesn't bother me much, but I'm surprised my eyes haven't stuck to the top as much as I roll them. :P
It's really not so bad for me, and it is getting better now that my mother is growing less combative. Mine went through a terrible stage for about 3 years where she was kind of mean. She is much nicer now. I hope the same happens with your mother.
Your profile says that she has dementia. The behavior you describe is very common to dementia. That doesn't make it go away, but maybe it can make it a little less difficult to accept. I doubt that she hates you, but I really can't say that for sure. Have you felt that since childhood, or is it new with the dementia?