I CAN not handle it anymore and I am going to have to put my beloved husband in some type of care. It will have to be in dementia care because he is beyond assisted living. I was hoping we could wait until he didn't know who I was but I can see that is beyond possible, I fear we may go into poverty doing this, but I do not know what else to do. He is up again after 5 times so far tonight. He will kill me long before he is in the stage where he does not remember me. What a horrible, horrible disease this is. He iis so young, 71, but dementia does not know that, or that he is a kind, wonderful person and does not deserve this. We do not deserve this. Some people might say I am giving up on him but they really have to walk a day in my shoes to truly understand, He has started running away and he just broke his collar bone in 3 places which is the 4th serious fall in the last four months. Every time he gets sick or falls he seems to go deeper in the dementia and I just don't know what to do.This is truly a living nightmare.
As long as you find him a very good place to live, and you can still visit him regularly, making sure that they're taking good care of him. When you run out of money, there is always the possibility of Medicaid. And if anyone ever makes it seem like your a terrible wife to do this, you look in them in the eyes and asked them where were they when you needed them.
Do not feel guilty about reaching this point. You have done so much that many people couldn't. It takes courage to recognize when the time comes to place our loved ones. From what you say he is no longer safe at home. Falls can happen anywhere, but the wandering is so very dangerous in so many ways.
Take pride in what you have been able to do. We all have our breaking point. Have you consulted an elder law attorney? There are ways to protect assets so this does not destroy you financially.
I'm impressed that you've admitted to yourself that you can't continue on in the way that you have. That takes incredible strength on your part.
Placing your husband in a facility where he will have around-the-clock care is the best thing you can do for him and for yourself. I wish you luck.
A GOOD elder care lawyer should be able to guide you. Problem is finding a good lawyer with all the other stuff on your plate. Don't know too much about it but have to start looking into it for my folks. Both going to turn 90 with dementia. I will be 60 in November, an only child and am sure that I will be dead first and they will live to be over 100. Remember called:SPITTING THE ASSETS
and certain amount of money, may not be a 50/50 split but will let you keep enough money so you can live in the house.
So sorry to hear about your husband.
I do not know which State you live in but here in NYS what is called the community spouse can keep the family home. on car and personal pocessions basically everything in your home. You will also be able to keep a certain amount of joint funds. it used to be $75,000 but I believe it is now higher. Everything else including most of his SS check will go to the facility for his care which of course will significantly reduce your monthly income. Medicare has a five year look back so be prepared to produce things like bank statements for the last five years and tax returns etc. Medicaid will want you to account for everything spent within the previous five years. You can not dispose of money the year before NH placement, Medicare is relentless so don't try and outsmart them, they will simply deny the application and the NH will discharge him. Start getting everything in order ASAP, if necessary find a caregiver to watch him for a few hours so you can sleep and start collecting your paperwork. Is he a veteren? If so he will qualify for a vets home which I think but don't know is less finacially difficult.
Once both of you or more just you die Medicaid will seize all assets so any heirs should not look forward to an inheritance. Find a good eldercare lawyer who can guide you through this difficult time.
This is a very difficult position to reach and many caregivers worst nightmare.
As you mentioned he is still relatively young which makes it harder. You should be enjoying you retirement at this time in your life but you have been given a bigger burden to carry. use every resouce available to you to help you get through this. Once you know the truth of your circumstances it will be easier to plan. try not to make any panic moves, like selling your home, ways to manage will become aparent if you can hang on. Blessings for you and your dear husband.