Money situation desperate, but can't work outside home because can't leave Mom alone.
Never in my life have I have thought I would do this, but I'm considering writing a cardboard sign and begging on the corner. I'm essentially a full-time caregiver for my 83-year-old mother. The only things she can still do for herself are walk to the bathroom and dress herself. I can't leave her alone for longer than it takes me to go shopping or get her medicine. She can't carry anything for herself, not even a small glass of water, and is prone to falls (she broke her arm a few months ago).
Other than her $863 social security every month, we have very little money. Last month I made less than $300 from part-time work I was able to find online. I used to support us fairly well as an eBay dealer, but eBay isn't what it used to be and my business slowly died (it’s happened to a lot of us who have been on there since the beginning of eBay). I tried selling used books on Amazon, and put 800+ items on, but made less than $100 a month from those. I tried signing up for Amazon Turk, but though I’m a 58-year-old, who was born and raised in the US who has lived in the same rental for a decade, Amazon wasn’t able to “verify” my identity and refused to let me work for them. I’ve now moved onto Etsy, where I have two stores, but between the two make almost nothing.
Tonight is the last night we’ll have internet service. It gets turned off tomorrow. My cell phone was turned off a couple of days ago. I’ve applied for a free low income phone, but from what I hear, it takes weeks to be approved and for you to receive the phone. I’ve got the utilities covered for this month with LIHEAP for low income families, but what happens after that…no clue.
I’m really scared. I’d say, okay, well I guess we go live in the car (not that my mother could handle that), but it’s essentially dead in the driveway. It can only make it a mile or two before it overheats, the registration is expired and I have no money to insure it.
Believe me, I’ve checked out every low-income service available in my state, which is one of the poorest, while conversely having a minimum of services available to the poor. The waiting list for low-income housing is about 3+ years long. There's currently nothing open in our area as far as low-income assisted living for the elderly. I checked into the program that provides a small stipend to family members who are full-time caregivers. The wait for that is an astounding 10 years. This is the same program that's supposed to provide care for the elderly who want to stay in their homes, but can't afford a paid caregiver, so finding someone who can be there for her while I go to a job is also out.
Today, I scraped together 100 pennies and bought a loaf of bread to keep us going until SNAP day on Friday, embarrassingly having to feed the pennies into the self-check out one at a time. How did I get to be such a loser? Why can’t I be a better provider for us?
One top of all of this… I. Am. Just. So. Tired. I feel like I’m in prison, living the life of an eighty-year-old, instead of someone in her 50s. I have no one to turn to. No friends. No family. No support system of any kind.
Has anyone here ever begged? It’s humiliating, I know, but does it work? I’m thinking a freeway off-ramp would be best, because grocery stores will chase you away, but I’m worried about being arrested, or something going wrong. If it does and I don’t come home within an hour or two, my mother will be frantic, with no one to help her. I’m afraid she could hurt herself while trying to figure out what to do.
In the longer term, there is a service (elderhelpers.org) that I think operates in most states where volunteers will come and spend some time with elderly people. (I'm thinking if you were able to get a part time job outside the home. )The problem with that is that you have to pay a subscription fee to the service, even though the volunteers are free. I think it's a few hundred to start out and a small monthly fee after that. So that's for down the road somewhere, when a little cash comes in.
I hope other folks here will have lots of useful suggestions for you too.
You seem to be quite articulate; use that to your advantage. Medical transcription used to be one home service; it doesn't pay much, but you could stay at home.
Libraries sometimes have job hunting guides as well as free Internet access. Fast food places frequently need help; it's better than panhandling. Some grocery stores have greeters - it's a lot of standing but work hours can be structured to minimize time away from home.
Is your mother a Veteran, or was your father a Vet? If so, there might be some help available for you, although it won't happen right away.
I think though that to think in this mode is to approach the situation piecemeal, when what you really need is a more comprehensive solution with the assistance of governmental/agencies.
Contact all the agencies you can think of - governmental social work sections, Area Agency on Aging, Catholic Charities (not sure that's the correct name), Jewish Welfare Federation (it's my understanding they help anyone; you don't need to be Jewish).
Your mother must have doctors; ask them, including contacts at the hospitals at which they're affiliated who might be able to just offer suggestions.
Also ask them about getting home care medical assistance for your mother.
Contact local public transportation agencies to get information on low cost transit to medical appointments, or perhaps even to a job. You wrote that your car only goes a few miles before breaking down, so you need to find reliable transportation not only for your shopping (I'm not sure how you can do this with an unreliable vehicle) and for getting medicine.
Call United Way helpline (211) and ask about all the various issues - you would probably get referrals to a number of agencies which you could contact.
If your state has an elder law agency, contact them as well to see what else is available. Your mother would I think qualify for some food assistance. Contact your elected representatives - you could even tell them you won't be able to vote b/c of lack of transportation - maybe one of them will actually get involved.
As a last resort, contact APS and ask for help, especially if you think you're likely to lose your residence. They might be able to get some emergency help for living expenses as well as suggest longer term solutions.
For example:
Mother can ambulate to the bathroom.
Mother can dress herself.
Once dressed, she can......
Contact the Salvation Army. Their website says they have a Senior Services division.
Some people make pretty good money begging, but you have to know where to go and how to stay safe. I don't know much about it, but have read that some people make several hundred dollars per day.
Have you explored to see if there is a free senior center that will accommodate your mom's needs during the day and a transportation service who can transport her so you can get an actual job?
Before earning money, determine if your mom will be applying for Medicaid medical or long term care. I'd explore if they would use both your incomes to determine her eligibility.
You sound quite capable of working outside the home and I bet you would enjoy it. You can't continue like you're going, so do what needs to be done before things get any worse.
There is money to be made online, one just has to search:}
Missinghome- Coupons is your friend,if your local library allows you to download their website to print coupons.
I did well selling a few years ago. Now I still do better than many, but it is really only pin money at the moment. And it takes a lot more work to make it than it used to. I understood exactly what MissingHome was saying.
I see, still it is an option for the OP especially if she/he does not want to leave mom alone for many hours. It's good that you've done pretty well online.
Other options can be food pantries. I agree that begging is not an option because you'd have to be out for hours and maybe even move around if one area is slow. Can you recycle cans and bottles? As far as living situation, can you get a one room place and you sleep on the couch or pull out couch? Somehow cutting living costs so you can live off her SS more?
This is a horrendous situation for a caregiver trying to care for her loved one and life just s##ts all over good people. I hope to hear back from you. Please see about being her full time caregiver.
Of course, you would need to get permission from the landlord to do that. And the landlord may want a small percentage of the rent.