My 95 Mother is in a ALF close by I am an only child but have a wonderful husband I moved my Mom from out of state 3 years ago. I have no regrets and have done everything for her besides my visits during the week, running errands and Doctor's visits. I also take her every Saturday to get her hair done and out to breakfast she has become very dependent on me my husband and I pay half of her ALF costs which has been stressful and at times I feel resentment but by hook or crook she'll be able to stay there she loves it. Identifying with the stress lately I've started taking more time for myself lunch with Friends and got back to working out. My Mom seems down and makes comments that make me feel guilty. This is so hard!
Why would you do that? Who is going to fund YOUR retirement expenses?
Has your mother been evaluated for depression?
Mom's happiness is not on your shoulders.
I finally started playing a little game with myself. I put a few dimes in my left pocket, and when the guilt grenade came out I'd try not to say anything. Instead I'd just transfer a dime over to my right pocket and change the subject. I'd also note the time. How long had it been since she lobbed the last one? I think the fastest one was about 2.2 seconds after I walked in the door.
Anyway the deal was, the dimes that ended up in my right pocket went to a special church offering. It was my way of turning that pain into grace, of deflecting the blow, so to speak. Instead of buying into the guilt and taking it on myself when I knew it wasn't necessary, I used this system to "give it to the Lord." It really helped.