This is my 3rd Christmas with my Mom living with us and having dementia. I have always been a Christmas doer, shopping, baking, music, decorating, etc. So for the past 3 years, it gets less and less. It is already the 10th of December and I have no tree up, the mantle isn't decorated, nor the windows and the Christmas cards aren't even made out yet. I want to get the tree up and my decorations out so my Mom can enjoy them, but it's just not happening. She doesn't allow me out of her sight and watches every move that I make and hides behind a newspaper and peeps at me all her waking hours. This makes it almost impossible to get into the Christmas spirit. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas to help get me out of the blahs?? Thanks so much!
First, try to decide in your own mind how much of the usual Christmas activities you really want to do this year. Discard the things that you think you SHOULD want but which really don't feel right this year. If you don't do Christmas cards this year, maybe you can do Valentine cards instead, and surprise everyone. Or just skip it and resume next year if you feel like it then. Or maybe shopping feels too overwhelming this year. Sit down at the computer and order things from Amazon! What I'm suggesting is that you simplify your life just this year by concentrating on the things that are most important to you.
Then, change your expectations for your mother. She has dementia. She can't help it. Maybe she'll wake up and be thrilled with the holiday decorations on the mantle; maybe she won't even notice; maybe she'll notice and think you are crazy because it can't possibly be Christmas season in her mind. Do whatever you are going to do for your own pleasure. If Mom also gets pleasure from it that is a bonus.
She totally ignored you when you were getting out the decorations. That sounds like a good thing to me. Let her sit in the kitchen and ignore you behind her newspaper while you bake. Trying to entertain her is futile. Give it up. Be glad she is safe and within your attention range, and roll out another batch of stars and trees! Put some Bing Crosby on the CD player!
If it is hard to get into the Christmas spirit with her sitting there behind the newspaper, perhaps you could adjust your definition of the spirit a little. Being able to care for an impaired person you love should count in there somewhere.
This is a cruel disease, and no more cruel than at holiday times. My heart goes out to you. Taking care of someone afflicted with this disease is an awesome, generous action. I hope you can find some Christmas spirit to enjoy this year.
Equinox
Equinox, I think that is a great idea of celebrating separate holidays. Besides, Your mom may feel uncomfortable around a house full of people n it may be a bit too much for her. You have a life too! With that said, spend time with your family n friends n don't feel selfish one bit! That way everyone including your mom can enjoy the holiday. I think your idea is a great idea whether at home or the NH. Go for it n enjoy your holiday too.
Like Jeanne mention, "simplify your life just this year by concentrating on the things that are most important to you."
I would see if a friend, relative or hired help can come in to care for your mother a few days, so you are "freed up" to do the cards and decorating if you miss doing it. I involved my father in putting up the tree by asking his opinion on the lights etc and he thought he was helping. If I made cookies, I wheeled him into the kitchen to talk with me as I mixed up the cookies. He of course sampled the first cookies with a cup of tea so he was happy.
But realize in your daily care of your mother, you are living the spirit of Christmas. Perhaps listening to the holiday music would make you feel
better as well.
Good Luck.
Elizabeth
Equinox