For 5 1/2 years I had my mother living with me after my father died. We never really had a great relationship, but thought that maybe having her live with me and see that I am a good person would strengthen the weak spots. I had little if any emotional or physical support from family members. Finally, 5 months ago I put her into an assisted living home, and of course, she hates it. She has never been a positive person and is quite critical of everything and everyone. Now I am STILL dealing with guilt as I made the decision on my own to place her since my family preferred to "not spend the money". The guilt comes from within, from my mom and from my family. I have 2 brothers, 1 of whom keeps in contact at least weekly. The other brother by texting if I communicate first. My sisters-in-law NEVER call to see how I am doing, but call mom regularly. I took wonderful care of mom while she was with me in every way possible, but was never good enough from her perspective. There are a lot of old unresolved issues that I wanted to sort out, but each discussion led to fighting and yelling. The day I asked her to please leave my room as this is my "sanctuary" she refused, and I literally had to carry her out ad shut and lock the door. "Asshole", she called from the other side of the door. "I wish I had never had that 3rd child. My life would have been perfect if I had never had THAT 3rd child", she added. And that was it. The next day I put her into the facility.
I see her 1-2 times per week, shop for her, take her to her MD appointments, and take her to lunch, and for nice rides. No matter how "barb-proof" I make my armor she still seems to find the "chink" and stabs.
I need support to know that others are going through this and how they are handling the guilt and rejection.