i s'pose caring for mother must have became my purpose in life. of course near the end of life the level of care escalated greatly. i can do whatever i want whenever now but ive never been self indulgent. i like doing things for other people. my dreams and projects have fired back up with a renewed vigor but theres noone to share with but the frog who hangs out in the bathroom eating flies. i should tell him that a couple snakes live here but then id be tampering with natures delicate balance.
got my new stove finished. if anybody is interested in a cremation for 75 bucks let me know.
All I can say is try and keep yourself busy. Do what you like to do . We focused on the caregiving roles of our parent for so long...its now time to focus on what makes us happy. I'm still trying to find my way....looking for work, activities to keep me busy. I hope you can too. Good luck and God bless.
I think care givers whose Journey has ended need a lot of time to heal. Their minds, their spirits, their bodies. My journey hasn't ended, but I know how exhausted I really am right now. I can't even begin to imagine having a relationship for a long time after my mom passes. I need time alone, to heal from all this. It's like going through a war and coming out on the other side battered, but alive, when it's all over...
I imagine myself driving down to Myrtle Beach, SC when my mom passes, and just spending a few days doing no more than staring at and listening to the waves. I imagine going fishing, all alone. I would dearly love to get another horse. I've been riding since I was 7 years old. I miss it like you wouldn't believe. There's nothing like it. Just you and that magnificent beast, and nature. Ahhhh... I know I'm going to have to ease into life, recover from all these care giving years, all that stress... People don't heal from this experience overnight, at least, I don't think so... God, even a day spent reading at the park seems soothing to me right now... I'd like to get my fresh water fish tanks set up again. I'd like to further my education. But first...healing. And solitude. It is lonely, but sometimes I think it's necessary to have some period of time for reflection. We've been in shells for a long time, a lot of times all alone...I know it's personally going to take some time before I'm recovered enough to have that urge to socialize much in RL. At least we have each other here, and I value that highly, and always will. One day, Cap, you'll get that intense urge to...do something...get out there...find a woman to share your life again if that's something you'd want...you sound like a great guy to me, the type of compassionate individual most women are looking for...time, it just takes time...
I lost my mom little over 2 months ago, I quit my job as a CNA a few years ago to take care of her and I thought id share with you the idea that maybe you might consider becoming a CNA, you obviously have the skills now im sure, you said you like helping others and believe me it may not be the best paying job out there but it definitely a rewarding job. If you want to go home each day knowing that youve made a seriously positive impact in someones life then its a great job. From what im reading that others are posting it really sounds like this would be a job that might fit you nicely. No there isnt alot of male caregivers or nurses out there, but I always looked at that as a perk, while all my friends went off to work with a bunch of sweaty guys, I got to go to work and be around mostly female nurses and cna's win win.. lol.. seriously though I hope to get back into it soon, if i can get my feet back under me and find some drive inside of me somewhere, just kind of living moment to moment day to day still right now, I understand greatly I think how you are feeling because your description of how youre feeling could easily have been mine ( If I was able to write as creatively as that is...haha) Anyways thought id throw the cna thought out there for ya to think about.
Peace
Another possibility would be the grieving widow from the cremation services!
I love you captain but would never marry you so stay off Match or refer any future Mrs to your ex for counseling