I find myself in a position that I never thought I would be in. Moving my Mother into our home. I am trying to deal with the resentment from years of abuse and outright hatred from her. I just want her safe and taken care of. I am crying as I write this. I'm not normally one to air the "poor me" attitude. It is hard to care for someone that has brought this on herself with heavy alcoholism and lack of empathy. She won't do the easiest of tasks, wanting to waited on hand and foot even though physically she is able. Moving her in has also caused a huge financial burden. I guess I just need to know how others deal with this.
I don't have the answers. We can adapt ourselves, but we are not the problem. If you are like me, you'll start questioning what your part is in the bad feelings -- are you the one behaving badly causing your mother to behave a certain way. My aunt helped me with that one. She sent me back word after her death that it was not me, it was my mother. No, it wasn't a psychic message; she told my cousin to tell me. What a gift that was to hear.
The only advice I can give is to learn to start each day new. When you get up, something bad from the day before may be chewing at you, but start the day with a "good morning" and take it from there. Fortunately, there are a lot of good days. If you find that it is not working having her live in your home, look for other options SHE can afford. This will sound a bit harsh, but I know our parents made their own beds, but they want to lay in the ones their children made and mess it up, too.
I hope your mother will change for the better. She is going to have to get up and do for herself, though, or the resentment will be awful. My mother is also a lazy person and it is hard just watching them sit, while their Cinderellas do their bidding. I mean, like really, where do they get off! (My own anger is really coming through here. Sorry, everyone.) It is hard to have any respect for lazy people, so set up some tasks that she is to do. If she doesn't like them, then fine. She knows where the door is. Your house, your rules.
I hope you have a lot more good days than bad. Fingers crossed that it can work out for you. I could write a book, but the past few days here have not been good, so I would probably sound like a mad woman.
I am so sorry you are so upset. I think you may need to ask yourself if you really need to be the one to take care of your mother -hands on. Can she be placed in an assisted living home? From what I have read on this forum choosing to take care of an elder that was neglectful and/or abusive to you growing up is very hard. Please take care of yourself. God bless!!!