Common-Law husband just up and left

My common-law husband of 14 years moved out and left to care for both of his elder parents over a year and a half ago. His dad has dementia, and has declined. Also, three of his siblings are fighting over the parents' estate, with one brother actually having stolen their property with a quit claim deed. My husband has been in and out of court all this time, dealing with the police coming over. The brothers call the cops all the time to try running him off. And now the same brother who stole his parent's property is now filing for guardianship. While all this drama happened, my mother, who was only 67 passed away from cancer. I was her caregiver, but she wasn't really sick until the very end. My husband visited when she passed, but he refused to stay for the funeral, so this whole time, I have been left to grieve by myself, take care of my widowed dad, which has been very hard, and hold down the fort. My husband still pays a lot of our bills, because he gets residual income from insurance sales. He never will come visit, though, and always expects me to drive to him. The last time I went down to see him, we ended up in a big fight, because I wanted him to spend some alone time with me, and I rented a hotel. He refused to stay with me at the hotel, and never would leave his parent's house. He expects me to stay at his parents house 24/7 when I am down there and the house is awful. It's old, decrepit and has roaches and rats. He has a woman that helps him during the week, but she has been flaky lately and keeps calling in sick. My birthday is coming up next week and I asked my husband to come home to visit. He refused and told me that I am going to have to come to him, because he is scared his parents might fall, or need him. I am so lonely and depressed that I can barely function. He always turns things around on me and says that I am losing patience with him. Also, when I went down there last time he said some horrible things to me when we had that fight. He told me that he was pretty much "over" me, because we had been living apart for more than 15 months anyway, and that I was just a selfish b*tch who only goes to the gym and lives in luxury at my dad's house while he is suffering living alone with his parents' house and has no help. He also kicked me out of his parents' house that night, and made me go sleep at the hotel by myself. I ended up begging him back. I am stuck. I love him, and don't want to give up a 14 year relationship, but I am suffering beyond comprehension. His parents will always come first. Me, not so much. What should I do? Am I the one with no patience? He makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. In December it will be two years he has been gone, and he has only come home to visit three times. Also, we are not intimate anymore. He blames me sometimes and says it is because I nag him all the time. He also says it is because he has a lot on his mind. I feel like I am so unattractive now, even though I am only 42 years old, no kids, attractive and try to keep fit. He is 10 years older, quit working out and eats nothing but junk. I do nothing but worry every night about his health and stress. I don't know what to do, and my heart is hurting. Just to add, I do all the paperwork, computer stuff he needs, filing taxes, etc. You name it, I do it. We are four hours apart, but any time he calls me, I drop whatever I am doing and do whatever he tells me to do. I am his personal assistant, always have been. I guess I feel used too.