My sister has dealt with my mothers financial things (paying her bills & credit cards) for the past 40 years. My mother let her, less for my mother to deal with & she knew everything was paid & what was left was hers to spend. Now, the problem! Our mother now has dementia and needs 24/7 care, I moved in with my daughter & the family agreed that my mom would live with her too since my daughter works in the evenings the 2 of us could give my mother the 2 person team she needs for her care (lifting her, changing her, feeding her, walking her around) because all my other siblings (theres 7 of us total) work during the day and dont even bother come by to see my mom. My sister does not have POA but still controls my moms financial things (bank account mainly) I know my mother receives $1,200 monthly but my sister who contols her money gives us what she "thinks" is enough to care for our mother & it isnt! The TV on for my mother 24/7, the heat being set higher so shes not cold, the high protein drinks & meals the doctor wants her on, the depends my mother wears & all the supplies needed to take care of her pressure ulcer, it just keeps adding up! My sister has already stopped talking to most of my siblings because they dont agree that she still needs to be in control of my mothers money, they think my daughter & I should be in charge because we are the ones taking care of her 24/7. Were not sure what to do without starting the family feud of a lifetime by asking my sister for control.
"Dementia" covers a very broad spectrum of cognitive abilities. Is your mother able to understand the concept of allowing/appointing someone to act on her behalf for finances? If so, have her give you the durable power of attorney, with your daughter the secondary. Under the circumstances it will be best to have an attorney who specializes in Elder Law involved in drawing up the document.