Chappy Posted October 2016
How do you cope with being the lone caregiver?
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For awhile now, I find myself taking my time cooking and "enjoying" that part of my day besides cleaning the house. But I also tire myself out by suppertime. Certainly not easy being a caregiver, I can relate to many of you. Take care of yourselves! ♡
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I sometimes feel like I have given up. I re read parts of "Staring at the Sun" pdf online. It is a well written book on how to face death and our fear of it. It helps me when I feel like I am passing away with my parents in caring for them. I miss my mom. I miss our times. But I also have tried to find the good in it too. A new normal I never thought I would be in the midst of...and I am sure they did not either. It's a tough thing, right? I want to embrace it rather than feel as bad as I have been lately. I am most resentful towards the lack of help from others. But I have to realize they are not as tough as I am. That I am worth something deeper. Something bigger than denial of people, places and things that keep these others too busy to help. Or care. I won't lose out in the way they will when they won't come around. It's at least one saving grace towards self soothing.
I wonder if her frustration is misdirected because of the frustration she has in not being able to communicate with people. I can only imagine what it will be like to be of that age and everyone else is unable to understand me. I feel so damned sad when I think of my mom and dad feeling upset at their bodies betraying them. I think if they were in their former, clear minds, they would have less issues. Part of the problem is that they hear they are not communicating and should do this and that to improve it, but the logic area of the brain is not up to identifying this connection. Hence, it is hard not to feel worn out. I get it. I think our parent/s and us are worn out. I mean on both sides. I feel so incredibly sad wondering what it is like for them and scared of what it will be like for me in old age. I don't have anyone like they do. I can only hope and pray I pass before I enter into such loss of abilities. HUGS
Mom cannot put words together in a manner that can be understood. She babbles all the time, and gets mad if I don't pay close attention to her babbling and understand her....like it is my fault she cannot speak. It is just exhausting to try to work out what she is trying to say. A single sentence can take an hour of constant guessing to figure out. Then, she usually doesn't remember why she said it, or what the next sentence was supposed to be. I just cannot do it all day every day.
Just to have a conversation about anything would be great. I am just too mentally exhausted from this to have the energy to focus sharp attention to babbled nonsense.
I tell her all the time to slow way down...focus on saying one word at a time as clearly as she can. She once said if she is slow with each word, then she cannot say what she wanted because she cannot keep her train of thought that long. Cannot seem to get her to understand...if no one can understand her..then what is the point of speaking a high speed sentence? Same result...other people do not know what she is trying to say, either because it was just babble or she forgot in mid-sentence.
This problem is made worse by 1) her refusal to take seriously the speech therapy home work...and 2) constant episodes of extreme exhaustion preventing her from doing home work in speech therapy.
She seems to believe that if I cannot understand her...it is my fault.
Just tired. Mentally shot.
My parents also had refused to leave their home and would not let caregivers into the house. I remember my Dad asking if I could stop my career so I would have more time to help them. I asked my Dad if he had resigned from his career so that he could take care of his parents or my Mom's parents... he said "no", and never asked me again. He understood.
Since my parents were of clear mind, also in their 90's, a therapist told me that any decisions that my parents make [such as living at home and refusing caregivers] then my parents had to take on the responsibility that comes with that decision.
Nanny, too bad you left your job, here are some things to think about if one iquit work to care for an aging parent.... on average if a working person quits work he/she will lose over the years between $285,000 and $325,000 which includes not only loss of salary over those years... it also includes the net worth loss of the health insurance coverage.... loss of money being put into Social Security/Medicare..... loss of other benefits such as matching 401(k).... profit sharing.... workman's comp insurance.... company sponsored life insurance.... vacation pay, sick pay.... tuition assistance, etc. [source: in part Reuters 5/30/12]