I have finally cut ties with my mother and brother. It has been a long time coming.

I have had to step back from my brother who wanted my mom to finance his trips to see her as well that of his family, Fighting dementia, of course mom wanted to see him, but it took caregivers on this site who gave me support to tell him "no more". He still was demanding, as if it was his right, but he is not even working! I spoke to attorney and was reaffirmed that as mom's POA, I was protecting her finances, which are slim. His response? That I was hurting her. No responsibility, no acknowledgement that maybe he needs to save and pay. I am done and NOT feeling guilty. It may feel sad, but your stress and physical health will be MUCH better.

Madge I am so sorry how your Mom and brother are treating you there is a thread about dysfuncitional familes started by C magnam-a very wise and nice man. Maybe for now detatch from them both if and when they get in touch with you you can decide what you want to do see them or whatever-for now I would write them off tell yourself this -I do not deserve to be treated this way -and will not let people who are mean to me in my life-I had to do that with the husband while he was alive and have cut down exposure with another family member-I know I will never have a good relationship with my mother but so what I am close to my sister and have lots of friends and great adult kids.

I write from experience.... he will be trying to alienate you from your Mum, as my husband's half sister has done to him.
It seems this is a tried and tested rule, that controlling children do, and I have to say, sadly, it is more likely about cutting you out of anything she was previously out to leave you.
People will do anything, to anyone when money is involved.
I would say, hard as it is, keep the channels of communication open, for old people are wickedly manipulated this way, and will be to your Mum's disadvantage as well
as yours.
You feel like you cannot take it anymore, and that is PRECISELY where he has got you. People like this make me sick, I would also document everything and alert a solicitor and/or the authorities for this bad manipulation....All bad karma for him....

Thank yourself for disconnecting from the emotional and mental ABUSE and move on.

I had to do the same. Old bad dynamics started back up. I had kept all of my family at a distance for so many years I had forgotten why. As I ended suddenly in a constant situation of dealing with my mom and her affairs after her stroke it all came back. Manipulation, mentally abusive tactics out of both my mother and my brother. My brother was horrible and made the problems already there even worse. I remembered WHY I had put my family at a distance. Everyone treats me like I am a child and that they can do and say absolutely anything to me with impunity or demand I do whatever they say. Never mind I am an adult about a decade away from retirement with my own life. The discussions on dysfunctional family on here are very good, worth reading through. Your not alone. This seems to happen frequently. Old problems don't suddenly solve themselves because a parent is old and in need of care. They are still there with some new ones added in. I have disconnected from my family. At first it was to stop enabling some bad dependent behaviors of my mother, I had other family members step in. The fact that I stepped back created so much nasty manipulation, lying and abusive behavior I had enough. I can't live like that. I don't think I could have taken much more. I feel bad but it did save my sanity.

lillylilly, don't feel bad. You have nothing to feel bad for. Their abusive behavior is all on them. I highly suggest that you rent the movie MATILDA! You will identify and it all turns out well in the end for the good guys. The others? Lololol, ha ha ha! Take care!

Thanks. At times I feel bad. My mom still sends me letters (I don't open them) and called last week (didn't answer). So that just dredges up the whole mess again. I know I did the right thing.

You should study up on NPD. Google it and you may find a lot of things that are familiar to you. I am the oldest of 5 and the 'scapegoat'. My mother is horrific and always has been, particularly to me. Her real issue with me is that I am self sufficient and I guess, even as a child, instinctively knew I couldn't count on her - for love, support, things that mother mostly find are second nature with their children. I am left handed, was always best at writing, English, and was interested in business. My mother never worked and I am positive that she envies me for having had a career (even though it came from necessity after a bad divorce, from surprise, a husband that I married you and treated me just like she did. Nothing ever good enough, held the 'carrot of love/approval' just beyond my reach. It felt familiar but things changed after I matured and knew this wasn't right. He evidently had also been cheating on me most of our marriage too. He was cruel and cold but I didn't know until I really grew emotionally that I didn't deserve to be treated that way). Ironically my mother always hated my ex; never of course could see how much alike they were. My dad has been married to this evil person for 60 years. She focuses her vitriol on me. I feel that it is sort of the equivalent to how someone else would perhaps go to the gym and work out their frustrations. She takes it out on me and then she acts as if she is a nice woman to the rest of the world, including my four siblings. The dynamics in our family are: Me - oldest and not exactly what they ever wanted. First brother - golden child. Second brother - second fiddle to the first brother. He is also the middle child and the one who also always laid low and sort of flew under the radar. Fourth child, first youngest sister - she curries favor, is a huge whiner like my mother, is the laziest and has an addiction to pain pills which everyone officially says doesn't exist although we have all at one time or another throw them back with a drink (alcohol). It IS acknowledged that she probably drinks too much but that's because she has 'so many problems' (not really) and in my family there is so much denial that getting drunk isn't really a problem. She is also a Hospice nurse and has ready access to the pain killers she always seems to have too many extra of. The last of five is my youngest sister, who is 15 years younger than I am. I really had no relationship growing up with her. She was just a little kid. I was not allowed to take the car anywhere when I was driving unless I took her too. That was no matter what was promised (ie, if you was the car then you can take it to the store - then before I left my mother would tell me if I didn't take her too I couldn't go). She too is a nurse - the profession my mother always said she wanted but never studied for. She also blames my father for 'keeping her barefoot and pregnant" although I can remember her saying, laughing that "I love babies. I just can't stand them when they grow up". Being so self absorbed, I do believe she loved BEING pregnant. She got a lot of attention. She had a cleaning lady twice a week all the years I was growing up and called herself a stay at home mother, although often she wouldn't be there when I got home from school. I would get locked out, it could be raining or snowing, and I would have to go to a neighbor's or my grandmother's who lived close by, and whom I was very close to (dad's mother).
Anyway, we have all had our roles from the beginning. She has badmouthed me and slammed me to people who don't even know me. She has told my siblings several times that I am going to be cut out of their will. They are fairly well off and I am positive that a number of the rest of them are salivating at the prospect of getting a piece of the action. We live in Florida and she has taken advantage of our hospitality for years, staying weeks on end. I have done it just because I have tried to turn the other cheek and it is the only way to have a relationship with my father, even though he has told me 'I have to take my wife's side'. Really, they are both abusive. They cite Biblical passages but their behavior is not Christian. I cannot see how my mother is anything but evil. I can almost see her mean little wheels turning and she has always, when asked to back off or if I try to put parameters around what I will stand for, embarked on a campaign of smearing me to the entire family. She also seems to really enjoy it when people are in a bad way because it makes her feel good to feel sorry for someone, and will call relentlessly to discuss what she did to 'help' or whatever. It is always all about her.
When I was divorced, she spent her days driving around looking for trailer parks for me to live in. I was well employed and there was no way I was raising my kids in a trailer park. My parents live in a 5000 sq ft house on acreage. It was sort of all she thought I deserved having been divorced, even though they hated my ex and knew the circumstances. She told me I should never date until my kids were grown (I was in my early 30s) and she didn't invite me to family dinners because, according to her she "didn't think you would want to come since you aren't married." She also would repeatedly call me to tell me how hard my divorce was on her and when I told her that I was not the person to talk to about this, she flew off the handle. My father always says things then that excuse her behavior.
Now that they are getting old, it has gotten really ugly. Fortunately, we live several states away. We had a falling out - again - a year ago after my addict sister's husband lost his job and they moved close to us. They stayed with us for about a month, we helped them as much as we could, paid for food when we went out to dinner, and tried to be supportive with their kids. My sister whined constantly about how much she hated it and always wanted my brother in law to take time off for this or that, spend a long weekend with her rather than go in on Monday. He lost his job within a year and my sister immediately moved back in with my parents, back to the bosom of sympathy for her plight. She quit her job to do this, even though her husband had just lost his. The stupid decisions pile up quicker than you can sneeze at!
My mother moaned and groaned so much to me I had to tell her I didn't want to talk about my sister with her anymore. Twice during the conversation she hung up on me so I finally wrote her a firm email. She twisted it to mean that I was being disrespectful to her and my father even called me to tell me to say I was sorry. Shortly thereafter, he called again to say that if I did not say I was sorry, then they wouldn't be going on an 80th birthday cruise that I put together and we all paid for for my dad's 80th. My mother was willing to die on that hill and cause misery for everybody if I didn't apologize - for something that was direct and important for my sanity to say. Now, almost a year later, she has copied this email and sent it to me with nasty comments, she totally has rewritten history about why I had to write it to her rather than say it (because she repeatedly hung up on me), and she sends me copied Bible passages talking about how I did something wrong here. I do not reply. They come fairly often and out of the blue. I think that since I have not reacted to any of them she is bored and really wants more controversy and needs something to go crazy about to someone else, about how terrible I am. I think my silence and refusing to react is really causing her to be furious and to ramp things up.
At this point I am DONE. I do not really care if I ever see her again. She is what I would truly call evil. I do think she has some kind of mental problem but I am staying as far away from her as I can. No contact. My dad has always taken the role of 'saint' but I think he is as culpable as she is. I have read that a family who has at least one NPD person in it, mostly the mother, ends up being like a small cult. The entire thing malfunctions because everybody has to work around this insanity. I think I am the only person in my family who has ever received counseling and for me it was Christian counseling. I have done way too much work on my own self esteem and figuring out what I needed to do to be healthy to fall back again into that pit. It's hard to cut off contact with a parent(s) and family but sometimes it just is what it is.

Yes, you did. No telling what she has written, but just guessing, not nice. There must be a manipulation gene. We caregivers did not get it but it can certainly be used against us. Thought about changing your phone number? My daughter does this thing when she gets absolutely sick of someone's inappropriate/offensive/drive her crazy behavior. She mentally gives them a timeout. Might be an hour, might be days, weeks, months, lol, years! I've tried it. It works! I suppose it is another way to detach. Love that word now "detach." Have a good day today!

My comment above about being left handed didn't get completed, above. My aunt, my only aunt or uncle, was my mother's sister, and she was an artist, and left handed. When I was growing up I heard nothing about her that was positive. My uncle, her husband had the same first name as my first husband. My mother would constantly bad mouth my aunt and in the next breath call me by her first name, laugh and say "oh, I meant _______! But you are so much like her!" It was obvious the comparison was not meant as a complement. Over the years she also has said (these are quotes) "When you laugh it sounds so fake". "When he finds out (my first husband, when we got engaged) what you are really like, he will be sorry". "I don't really think I bonded with you ever". And "You were a cold baby". When I was very young Marilyn Monroe was still alive (born in 1955) and she would really angrily say "Who do you think you are, Marilyn Monroe?". I was blonde and blue eyed and people used to tell me I was a pretty girl. My mother has brown hair and brown eyes and no one ever thought I looked like her. I think the fact that I was very competent early on and that I wasn't interested in being a nurse or didn't try to emulate her made her furious. She had no use for me, because I didn't "edify" her.

Wow, madge1! Did you ever start a topic! I know that you feel sad now but it will get better and better as time goes by and you do not miss one bit the drama and abuse! They will NEVER change, but your life will change to one of peace and joy!

frustrated2
Why do people become parents who are so blooming mean....Here's a hug from across the waters, you sound like you could write a book on the subject. Also, it sounds like you have survived with a good sense of humour,
Tell a child it is useless for long enough, and it will believe it. YOU DIDN'T!! Well done you,
I think someone who can be so unncessarily mean has the worst issues on the planet. You should be able to adore your creation.
Keep smiling, and thank the lord for the strength he has given you in bearing such an awful person.
We, as children get to read the idylic Janet and John books, or Enid Blyton, where Mother is a gem, bakes and cooks, and spoonfuls of good, sound sense but the
realities are there are many who should simply never have kids!

I absolutely understand!!!! I put distance with my dad and sister for the same reasons as you did... and him being the sh$t stirrer...our stories are the same, as many have posted and I am right there with them... but will share the aftermath, and how I am coping now...
Of course I was the 'bad daughter", well, duh, nothing new there in their eyes, but now they didn't have me to be the scapegoat... at least not to my face... I had to take on the attitude of 'what they think of me is none of my business"... It wasn't always easy, because I though I NEEDED a family, but I perserved, kept myself in a good place spiritually as well as I could.... When dad died, I went to the funeral, and have had no contact with any of them since.... it is ver liberating... to not have some one saying mean and cruel things to you... expecting you to take and turn the other cheek, or if I did say anything, then it really got crazy because then it was ME starting something.....??????? UH NO, I was the only sane one out of the bunch, so I ran like the wind.... I have very loving friends, that is my family..... and I am very very proud of you for not letting the guilt have more powere than your common sense to get out of the situation.... they don't NEED us, and we don't NEED to be abused by anyone for anyreason...... so keep coming here and letting us know how things are with you... when you feel like you will step back into this, post how you feel and we'll help you to stay behind your boundries.... hugs to you...
There is a thread here that starts... Two years ago this July my mother.... please check it out.... this lady is doing it now... stepping away.... she is having struggles, but I feel you will really identify with her.... her name is Lisa, aka Survived 2

I have had the family issues to: I am not going to bore you with my details because I don't feel like "going through it" today. Today is a good day. It's so sad that families are so cold, dysfunctional and more. I am so sorry any of us have to contend with this. I dont' feel guilty with regard to my sister, but sometimes I feel sad because she cut me off on a wild and crazy assumption she made...she cut mom off too and this is so sad. Hats off to all of us that tried to make things ok but it takes two a give and take situation. The other side typically doesn't budge or give

I have had the family issues to: I am not going to bore you with my details because I don't feel like "going through it" today. Today is a good day. It's so sad that families are so cold, dysfunctional and more. I am so sorry any of us have to contend with this. I dont' feel guilty with regard to my sister, but sometimes I feel sad because she cut me off on a wild and crazy assumption she made...she cut mom off too and this is so sad. Hats off to all of us that tried to make things ok but it takes two a give and take situation. The other side typically doesn't budge or give

"Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes, with boats, and friends, and noodle salad. Just, no one in this car."
Above, a quote from Melvin Udall, Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good As It Gets"! I love this and my husband and I just have to laugh sometimes to keep from going crazy!

It seems to me that if there are strained family dynamics...they only get worse when there is a crises. As sad as they make you, you have to each survive and there are layers and layers of hurts and disappointments that are often just too complicated to even sort through in your mind. The pain is just often too much and you have to step back to save your own health. We all wish it were different, but we just don't know how to fix it because it goes way back into our own childhoods and each of our complicated relationships with our parents. In my case, I am beyond understanding it...there are so many issues...but I have decided that I must save my own health and well being. It leaves my heart heavy, but. I am not wise enough to fix it any longer.

Zannie, we can't 'fix' what we didn't 'break', we have a full time job fixing ourself from the damage done.... and here we are ..... A bunch of awesome folks who survived and who love, trust, have compassion, empathy.... in a huge group of like minded people..... and we are a damned awesome bunch I might add...

Ladee I like what you said above -that is my new phrase -we can't fix what we did not break and we did survive -good for us.

frustrated~wow...I understand where you are coming from and believe me boundaries are the best way to handle family members like ours. Keeping a distance and limiting your time with them or just not spending time with them is best. By the way, did you know Marilyn Monroe had a NPD? You aren't anything like Marilyn (personality) or the other things your mother says about you. You are better than that and a good person.

You never hear anything before you end up in a situation of dealing with a parents affairs or health needs about this stuff! How all that old chaos and crazy doesn't get better, doesn't go away and seemed to actually get amplified. Part of it may be that your usually older when thrown into the middle of a messed up family dynamic and less willing to put up with it as you did when younger. So many people seem to mention putting some distance between them and family as they became adults . I have considered changing my phone number. I do that every few years anyways. I only have a cell phone and telemarketers and other annoyances seem to get ahold of it and then I start getting sales calls, political calls, survey requests etc. on my cell while I am trying to work or out doing things.

There really needs to be some sort of warning label that if your family dynamic stinks it will be even worse when your parents age.

Thank you all for the comments. Yes, this is a sore subject to many. I have read all of the links about NPD and yes, mom is narcissistic, as was dad and my brother has a helping too. My husband tells me the problem is me. I am not like them, I won't take their abuse anymore. And yes, the way we were treated as children comes back into play when we have to deal with elderly parents.

My brother is not a dishonest man. However, he is arrogant and full of himself. I believe he thinks he is the only person who can take care of mom because he is the only one with brains. He never went to college, isn't that smart but was always the golden child. I have asked several of my relatives, old friends and my husband if all of this is my imagination. I get a solid "NO".

I moved to Florida 22 years ago. My dad never called me once to just say hi. Even today mom never calls me.It is my job to call her, travel to see her and, as she puts it, try and make her happy. I am done.

As the mother of three wonderful daughters, it was my job to support them and help mold them into independent citizens. To make sure I didn't come between siblings, but for the siblings to love and nurture each other. It was my job to stand back and tend the garden. Not to mow it down. Mom has mowed the garden down for the last time.

All dysfunctional families are beyond help unless the individuals recognize their problems and seek help. Unfortunately narcissistic people do no wrong.

I feel better already. Thanks to all.

I am so glad to have found this site and seeing how active the responses are, it makes it clear that this craziness is not near as rare as I would have thought. You can feel alone and even bad about yourself until you read what others write. When I step back some of it is so ridiculous that I have to laugh out loud! It is really beyond the pale. But you have to have emotionally put it in perspective to be able to do that.
I read once that from an 'anthropologic' point of view, the eldest of the siblings is usually in some way the favored child. Also that parents unwittingly protect their 'strongest and smartest' to ensure passing on 'superior' genes. This has NOT been the case in my family. I am the oldest and have always overachieved, received awards for being in the top percentage of certain classes and have done well with my career. But my younger brother, who by the way, is not dumb at all, he is smart and has been successful too, is the one not only praised for what a genius he is (every time he has done something at work that received praise he would send the email or whatever to my mother, who sent it out to the world, bragging about him and calling him a 'genious' (that gave us a few laughs). My parents have never known or asked what I did for a living. My brother is an engineer which he was encouraged to become by my dad. I have been a successful sales person in a realm that has been mostly male dominated (industrial supplies, electrical drives, motors, lighting and selling to hospitals). Once my father made the comment that he could see why I would do well "because men like to see a good looking woman". Had nothing to do with any skills that I had to have so it wasn't really even a complement. My sisters, who are nurses and my other brother, who is a CPA followed paths that were advised to them by my parents as well. They do not 'get' me and therefore, what I do has no meaning to them. It is clear to me that rather than being proud of and promoting my abilities they are flattered by the ones who 'do as they say' or emulate them. I am sure that my mother resented my independent spirit and that I didn't exhibit needy behavior as a child, where she could swoop in and be admired for her contribution to 'save' me. Even after a divorce where my ex literally took everything financially, I didn't tell them that I needed anything, although with three young kids, I certainly. I didn't tell them about his staying out all night or any of that and once my mother said "Why didn't you TELL US (whining and dramatic)?". I said because I am a grown up and it's my business. It really didn't occur to me to involve my parents at that age. So what I get from all of this is that unlike 'normal' parents who admire and want to promote a child's independence and ability to handle things in life, their goal is to always be the 'center' around which an entire family revolves.
When I remarried after all three of my kids were grown up and the last one was in college (all went to school, got jobs, all three had scholarships, no one produced a child out of wedlock - all the things my mother told me were sure to happen/not happen since I was divorced) and we've been married 10 years. My dad told my husband that I was 'easier to get along with now that she has married you'. They have always loved my husband, whom I told my past with my parents to and he could not believe then that it could possibly be that bad. Now, after he has dealt with them all this time he says it is so much worse than he could have envisioned and he supports my wanting nothing to do with them! He has lost respect for my dad, who makes excuses for my mother and really, is as much a part of the nuttiness as she is, only in a more passive sense.
Anyway, this is all more of the same. I liked the above comment "I feel better already. Thanks to all"! Hope my stories have helped too. One more thing I have to add - thanks to my supportive, loving husband. If we are fine who cares about the rest of it!

((((((((((((((((((madge))))))))))))))))))))) glad you have finally done this. I have read many of your posts. It is true that there is no fixing "crazy", unless crazy recognizes that they are, but that doesn't happen because they are crazy!
I will have little or nothing to do with my sis (the golden child) once mother is gone. I keep strong boundaries with mother and have detached pretty successfully. Others care for her, I visit once in a while and keep an eye on things. It is all I can do.
frustrated and others with narcissistic and/or personality disorder parents. and siblings - sounds liike you are doing the right things for yourselves. That is awesome. I takes a while to get there - or did in my case anyway. You have to look after you, and let the rest go. They will go their "merry" (destructive) way with or without you.

Frustrated2, we must be related. I am the oldest child, was the better student and artistic. My teachers wanted me to go to college on a scholarship to study art. My parents said "no way." Not going to help with that. Only my brother was encouraged to go to school, but he showed no academic interest.

Even today, if I tell my mother something I have read up on, she will say, "well I have to ask your brother." Slam!!! Knocks you down. Like your husband, my husband, who comes from a family of CPAs, teachers and engineers, is in disbelief at the way my family treats me.

My husband just a few years ago went through the death of his mother. His older brother, who is a CPA, was executor of the sizable estate. There are four siblings in his family and all were kept up on all matters by e-mail. My brother in law also let them know anything they needed to know he was more than glad to talk to them about. All above board and honest. My father in law would have been proud as well as my mother in law. There was respect among the siblings and no unnecessary sniping and back stabbing.

About four months ago my brother called me and told me he was taking mom to a lawyer, redoing her power of attorney, getting a health care directive, making her sign up for Medicare part D, etc. The new power of attorney for her state also has a place for the nomination of a guardian. Looked great to me. He was to get her to name me alternate in case of his death or him not being available to care for her.

Months passed and nothing. Finally about three weeks ago, he called me talking about nothing. When the conversation was wrapping down I asked him if he ever got Mom to the lawyer. He immediately got snarky and lecturing me about his time and being busy and basically just rude. I told him I would never ask again. He was fine with that.

With those comments, I made the remark to mom that he was often rude to me and I was tired of them keeping secrets. I told her she was playing favorites with my brother as she had when we were kids. She flew into a rage. Said the most awful things. It was the straw that broke the camels back.

One of my daughters told me, "Mom, one day you are going to say to hell with those people." Well, that day is here. Thanks for you comments frustrated2

Madge, that was something that really hit me as I was dealing with all of this, the importance of MY kids and making sure their needs are being met. I was spending so much time dealing with the chaos around my mother that my daughter was on her own and failed a semester of school. I thought my husband was keeping an eye on things and just didn't. I don't care what my kids want to do in life as long as it is making them happy. I have tried to make sure the crazy crap I went through isn't happening to them. Neither of them wanted to spend any extended time with my family. I don't know if it was because they knew my reluctance or if they didn't like it either for their own reasons. My daughter's need for someone to be there was a big part of my initially putting my foot down about how much of my life would get devoured by my mom's ever growing list of demands.

Madge, things will never change with your family. Your mom and brother will continue to do what they are doing now. I'm glad that you have FINALLY accepted the Situation with Clear Eyes (your daughter saw it.)

1. Your family will always be the same - with no desire of seeing how Their actions affect you. Therefore, they will continue to treat you disrespectfully.

2. Your own immediate family sees the Uselessness of your trying to help your mom. (Your daughter's comment.)

3. Your brother has decided to take over mom (based on his actions) and your mom's obvious approval (by her actions), therefore, ACKNOWLEDGE that YOU have Done YOUR BEST to care for your mom. It's finally time to Let Her Go.

4. You Have Your Own Immediate Family - I think it's time for you to turn all your attention to them and what YOU want of your life. Seek a job? Go back to your hobby (that you can sell/donate it and therefore bask with pride when people admire it or buy it.)

Sadness? Of course you should feel sad. No matter what you did, you had put your heart and soul into your mom. And she repaid you with nastiness.

Guilt? Nah! Flush that guilt down the drain whenever you hear snippets of how mom/brother are doing. You did your best and was rejected. Time To Move On!

Go and hug your family and Thank Them for being Sooooo Patient with you! You have a very caring family, Madge. Treasure it! Take care!

Book you advice is right on and I hope she takes it to heart-there comes a time when you can do no more to help.

Thank you for all of the kind comments. My brother took my mother to a lawyer on August 7. Made a new power of attorney. He sent me papers in the mail, no note, no comment, nothing. He is her agent, her health care proxy, the executor of her will. And he can appoint a substitute in his place or as the law says 'he can delegate" to someone if he is too busy, as he always is He will delegate to his son or wife.Or have me fly up and do his errands and dictate what I can and can't do.....right. At the very least, they appointed me alternate in case he dies. However, they spelled my last name wrong. I have only been married to my husband 30 years. I just laughed............... too little, too late.

Madge, your brother only has power of attorney over your mother - not you. Why on earth would you drop everything, jump on the plane and do whatever he dictates to you? Will you now be delegated as a "slave" or "sludge"? (In sci-fi books, a sludge is worse than a slave. Slave still has status. Sludge - their the lowest of the lowest.) Your bro and mom have made it Very Clear that your help is no longer welcomed or wanted. (Note, they didn't even consult with you about all these legalities.) Therefore, you will end up being the sludge - as last resort if son and wife won't do it.

Please think about this situation -not just with your heart - but also with your mind. If this was happening to your best friend or even with your husband and his family, what does it look like from that perspective?

Just separate yourself emotionally from the equation, decide a plan = write it down if it helps - to keep you on the your current path (away from them) and as a reminder.

I hope all goes well with you! Keep us updated, okay? If you decide to disappear from this site, can you say your goodbyes? So we won't have to worry. But if you decide to stay on and help others, we would love that too!! Take care!