My dad (81 years old) does not get around very well. He is more than willing to let my mom (76 years old) cater to his every need, including helping him with transfers. Frustrating! My daughter graduates from high school in June 2018. They are planning on coming to the graduation. He should not be traveling because the risk is too high. It just isn't safe for him to travel from OH to CA. Problem is that they are in denial about their present situation. How do I convince them it's not a good idea without hurting their feelings? My mom could easily make the trip and we would love her to but then that leaves my dad in the cold. My siblings live in their town so he'd have people who could look after him if Mom came solo. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. What do I do?? I should mention that in addition to the aforementioned, my dad is NOT pleasant to have around. We wouldn't miss him which makes me sound HORRIBLE. I don't want my daughter's big day to be ruined but I also don't want to hurt his feelings. Any advice?
One thing that can be a saving grace for you--as it was for me. Our HS allowed each graduate 2 tickets. Period. So only parents could go. It was simple to keep my feuding FIL & MIL away from each other at my son's graduation which coincided with their divorce....I just said "Oh darn, we absolutely cannot get more tickets" (and my son was Sr. Class President!! Still got 2 tickets.) A little white lie may solve the problem.
And if your dad is a pain to have around, how not-so-joyful would that be for your daughter. It's about HER, not pleasing him.
We videotaped the whole ceremony, with my son directing, and speaking as class valedictorian. NEITHER OF THEM EVER WATCHED THE VIDEO!!! So--I'm sure the proceedings will be taped and made into copies. It's not the same as being there, no, but again, sounds like you REALLY don't want this hassle.
(FWIW, I find any kind of graduation ceremony mind numbingly boring and my kids have collectively 2 MDs, 2 PhD's and 1 JD. ) Plus all the BA's and BS's. I'm super proud of them, but could have happily skipped all the extra speeches. (I have a lot of kids who are over achievers, for sure)
Good Luck.
With any luck, I'll be able to talk with my mom about some alternate plans (live streaming, etc) and see if she has a change of heart.
Or would your folks go for the idea that instead of paying for travel they could give your daughter the money for a computer for college or new clothes for job interviews? That way they'd still feel like they are being involved and supportive grandparents.
Example, "Suzy" is going to be away with friends for the weekend right after graduation. You know how independent kids are today.
It what way is it "too risky" for Dad to travel? What might happen? Things might stay as they are now, or they might get a lot worse. Or Mom may have trouble traveling next year. Play it by ear for now, and do the real planning in six months or so.
I'm not really sure how you could convince your parents that this is a better alternative though, other than convenience, safety, cost and similar factors. It is hard to convince some older men that they're losing their skills and long distance travel isn't safe.