Before allowing a hospital and hospice to discharge your parent back home with their spouse, please refuse until the following are in place because hospice usually will not get things in place until after patient is home for 24 hours (eg, late afternoon next day). Find out if hospital has had them under medication to keep them from being combative and/or make them cooperative, do not bring parent home until hired help will be on deck 24x7 effective when sent home Pride is a sin -because it causes hardship and anguish for those around you not yourself and erodes living family relationships and entrapped families to confines of the home. We are ole fashion family, this means children respect parents and their privates. Dad had massive stroke in 99, he since repeatedly defies all by retaining walking and self potty. Will rehab after each hospital stay he regains it, each time losing more stable and self safety. They said everything we’d need be there, I asked diapers, wipes, etc and nurse or staff they said yes. They are a gift and I appreciate everything they are doing but it came late afternoon next day. I had to change my dad diapers and bed for those 24 hours and initially I thought this was going to be a loving family close shared cooperative decline, then the meds I was unaware he’d been on for days wore off. I dodged punches and kicks. Days later after finally getting 24x7 staff in place he still turns his face and covers side of face toward me declaring me disowned. I have to live rest of my life in shame that disrespected my father and can never visit or say goodbye because I don’t want him departing this world upset and angry. I made it clear to everyone he would only accept a caregiver or nurse messing with his privates, I was assured not to worry. The result is a broken family, a man departing this world feeling disrespected (can’t think of right word), a daughter that will for life replay in her head around clock play the video of being shunned and disappointing their father after 60 years of being perfect and exceeding his success criteria. All erased over one night without having support. I don’t need replies, but my way of responding to a closed thread about changing parents diapers. If possible, get hired help in before the situation arises.
I'm assuming that this is your first rodeo of having a parent discharged back home and being promised all sorts of stuff that is supposedly going to appear magically. Most of us here have done this at least one and fallen for the "oh, well get you all the help you need".
We have 'learned to say "no, I cant possibly do that" and insisted on deliveries and things set up BEFORE the patient arrives. Or simply keeping the parent in care as an LTC patient.
Your father is being unreasonable. (Whether due to dementia or what) but he is making an unfair assignment of culpability. The AGENCY is at fault, not you.
No human is perfect. You are doing the best you can, which is all that can be asked of you.
Please forgive yourself, and your father for his mental frailties.
((((Hugs))))))
My dear, this is SO not your fault. Please don't beat yourself up!
You don't need to feel bad, it is their issues not yours.
I am sorry that this has upset you so badly, maybe therapy would be helpful to you.