Everyday I get a txt , rarely a call from a family member asking how hubby ( vascular dementia) is doing and if we need anything. Lately my answer is " we're good thank you. Love you" I've cared for my husband for almost six yrs. and thank God I am healthy & able to take care of all our business. At first if I needed to mention or want to share any changes or concerns became a problem. I know they don't understand or know what to say. As caregivers we don't need negative advice, scoldings or hurtful suggestions! Like " ship him to his brother in WA state." " He's looked and seemed fine when I was there!" I live with him 24/7! Even asked one of my daughters to come and spend a whole day in our home to see what goes on and how busy my days are. They never ans. their phones that always go to voice message. Eventually I get a txt back. " Sorry mom my phone was in the car, needed charging" or some other lame excuse. 41 yr. old grandaughter (no children) who's husband was deployed to Japan for four yrs. decided she didn't want to stay in FL nor go with him but come back home, stay with Nana, get a job & help take care of Pops. It sounded like a great idea to me. Oops. Fast forward to almost a yr. later: she didn't go to Japan ' cause divorce being considered (!) , brought her two cats, one which her mom took in and no job until about two months ago. Help with Pops rare. Her social life with old local school friends , her new boyfriend(?), & now her job keep her too busy. I'm now taking care of my hubby, grandaughters drama and her cat + my faithful companion six 8 yr. old little dog. Which by the way I considered for about two minutes re- homing ( NO way back to shelter where we adopted him!) to a good family to lighten my load? Will not get rid of next to God, of my biggest comfort and love from. Still praying for divine intervention on best way to keep from loosing it. This morning I thought of posting a sign on my front door like "If you're here to share your problems, go away & come back later!" Silly? Lol
One couple we've been friends with for over thirty yrs. & the only ones we've seen on breakfast dates for years have nxt week planned to meet with. After asked how we are doing and in the middle of anything I may want to say ( hubby doesn't say much anymore) I will as usual be interrupted and listen to their drama.
Enough! I intend to graciously as possible to end our breakfast dates.
Have to start easing the load somewhere. Feeling better already.
Here I can vent without any fears. Thank yous and hugs to all.
I make time in my rare alone time to read many posts. Have few answers or comments, but know that someone reads our vents and concerns relating to much of it. A counselor once adviced me to write down what I felt or thought. It does helps lots.
God bless. 😇
You can still be friendly, as I always taught my kiddoes, you have to be nice to everyone but you don't have to be their best friend.
I've learned, the hard way, that many people have you in their lives so they can use you until you are ruined emotionally/physically. And the worst part? They don't care at all! Just move on to the next person.
A true friend is there for all the stuff-- and is not judgmental about the choices you make. We all need a few friends--and that's all I have, maybe 20 close friends and actually, fewer close family members. And that's OK.
You don't need to expend your energy caring for people who aren't able to be 'there' for you. Lowered expectations has helped me a lot. I don't expect ANYTHING from most people and I'm not disappointed.