I'm just finishing a 2 week respite. About a month before I left mom had a couple Mini strokes and it changed her personality. They put her on seraquel and she slept for two days then wigged out. I took her off. Then she entered a beautiful memory care unit. She had a few episodes. One time went into someone's bath and would not come out - a call to doc and a shot of haldol, this was in the middle of the night. Another night 3:00 am she boot under one of the s
Dining room tables and baracded herself, tried to pull fire alarm. Another shot of haldol. Now she is on a low dose of seroquel. I haves called often and yesterday the night nurse told me that she and my mom have bonded and they are new best friends. I'm jealous!! At the end before respite my mom would sometime call me an imposter - she has been living with me for 8 years. We have been joined at the hip our whole life. I want my mom back.
Husband, daughter and best friends are really insisting I leave her there. I'm sure she is zombie'd out and I don't know if I can do it in her new state. I wanted to be there for her until t
Her last day. She is not making any friends, just this one nurse. I had hoped she would join in all the activities. All she does is eat, lay down and lots of walking. Does not socialize. Should I leave her there or bring her home. Everyone is telling me my face is si less stressed looking. I can even tell it.
I want to be her best friend and now she replaced me in less than 2 weeks.
As soon as I got to Florida we caught a bug and were sick the first week.
Can anyone relate to my feelings?
Barricaded
Certainly wouldn't make for a good vacation if Mom was crying and all upset each time you called! I think it is perfectly normal to feel a bit of concern as close as you are to your Mother. None of us want to think we can be replaced. Everything will be fine once you get home. she may even pout a bit to make you fee guilty.
As far as socialization. If your Mother wasn't social before chances are she won't be now, even with the most interesting of activities available. My Mother is just like that. She is happy with her TV and family that visits. She never had close friends (always concerned they would want something from her).
So glad you were able to get away and enjoy some rest even with the bug.
Everyone is telling me how rested and less stressed I look. Husband, daughter and best friends are telling me to leave her there because the 8 years of care taking is killing me. Feeling guilty and undecided. Don't know if icango back to it. My health has declined so much.
That is not to say you will not continue to be an important part of her care team. You can provide insight into Mom's past life, her particular history, and things that "work" for her. You can be an advocate for Mom, and speak to staff if you see something that is an issue, or would help. You can get involved with activities at the facility yourself, which might encourage Mom to do so as well. (tea parties, sing alongs, whatever).
I hate to say it, but if Mom has had mini strokes, and personality changes, she is not too likely to go back to being her former self. In fact, there could well be more crisis ahead. It might be much better to leave her in the facilty now, rather than bring her home, then the crisis hits, and you have to take her back again. Its so much better for them to stay in a place that they have become familiar with when they have a crisis.
My mom is doing really well these days, and some might say she could go back to a more independent life again, but I know that its only a matter of time before she will need more help again. And, it is entirely likely that she is doing as well as she is BECAUSE of the fact that she is happy and feels safe. And that has value, so she is staying there.
My heart goes out to you. Someone once said, we get what we think we deserve and I hope you think you deserve a nice, healthy life. I also want to help my mom through to her end, but I've been told to think about the possibility that I'm too controlling and that nothing anyone does for mom is good enough for me, or that I always think I can do it better. Sometimes it's best for others, for people like me to step back and let other good people do the work they were trained at and that they can do so well.
That's what I'm working on....trying to be less controlling and to let others do their jobs. I hope it helps to know I can relate to what you are feeling....
On another thread I vented about loosing it at my job today.. too long to go into here, but I just want to scream at the family...... my lady is on Hospice... and I am dealing with my OWN feelings about this, but what the family expects of me is not going to happen, they found that out today.... I have been a paid caregiver in one form or anothe for the past 15 years.... and after M passes... I am out of there, no more for me.... I can do my 'job' all day long and all night... what I CAN NOT deal with any more is the families.....
So thank you for your honesty.... lets me know there are some families out there that are exhausted, need help, and are letting the help, help.... thanks again
I did had same feeling of you as paid caregiver when I left my last job when it was end last March.... My client's and I didn't agree with some issues with her... Sometimes her daughter calls me to come back when she was drunk.....lol. now I have a caregivers dream job and my new client and her family loves me!!! I know/ think you are the wonderful caregiver for any family who needs your help! Hanging there... Tomorrow I will go see my old client for her 78th BD...Sue
You may not be able to handle the episodes that required Haldol ( a very powerful anti-psychotic drug). Visit frequently and enjoy her company. The time has come, my dear.
i wonder too about my mother....she has lived with me for 3 years and so quickly became forgettful and has lost the past 3 years. she is 6 weeks in a NH and is physically better than most of the residents, and she is talkative and alert but has no long term (or past 10 minutes) of memory. at times she asks to leave and go stay with me (not remembering that she lived with me) and I do wonder if i could do it again. i teach and have a flexible schedule, and i live alone on a small farm so she would be isolated, but she made few friends while she was with me. she basically is obsessed with me and all she says she wants is to be with me. she has enough savings to last for about 3 years on private pay...but after that I hate the idea of the govt. (medicare) coming in and looking at how we have spent money for the past 5 years.....can they really quibble over the cost of a hot water heater, or small monetary gifts she made to me or to her sister or others? If she came back home it would probably require a sitter and i wonder if she really would be happier....i know the stress of caregiving and i admit that most times i did not like that life.....but how long can this go on? we all must make our own decisions based on our unique circumstances but it does help to see how others have navigated through this.
Be happy that Mom has taken to that Nurse and that you have someone else who "helps" you care for Mom. Mom loves you! Maybe this is her way of saying daughter live your life.
Best wishes to you and to a peaceful decision.
How she is on seroquel I've been home 4 days
And haven't had the nerve to go check, afraid of what
I'll find. Mu IBS has been better and stress level
Down. I pray I can do the right thing, I fear what
How she will treat me. Thank you all for the support
No one else understands the guilt and worry
Along with the other emotions we feel.
My husband told me I look10 years younger since the caregiving stress has lifted. I appreciate all your responses, it has readymade me feel I have friends out there who care enough to comment on my situation. I respectandpray for all of you. I hope can keep mom in there without the guilt making me drag her home. She said she likes her room there.