My partner has had enough of living for two years with my selfish mean mother. My partner is moving out of our home to another state next week. My mother has won. She never cared about me having a life. Just take are of her, I still worked full time. I will be 63 next week. My partner is moving out and I am so devastated. My mother has not been told. I am afraid when I tell her I will say how I am feeling.
It seems to me that you've given up enough of your life for your mother's needs and you deserve a life of your own. If you love your partner try to find a solution so that you can stay together. I sounds as if your partner has given up plenty. Making these choices is hard, but you deserve a life. Take care of yourself while you can.
Carol
You have as much right to a decent life as your mother does. You can choose to stay with her and take care of her for the next 20 years. (She's 80 or over, but today more and more people live to be over 100. Especially the mean ones.)
Why would you choose to do that? If you choose to do it out of genuine love, great. It will be hard, but it will be rewarding. If you choose to do it to show her that you are a good child, and to get her to love and approve of you, that's foolish. She didn't approve of you for the last 60 years. She won't start now. Cut your losses.
You can get yourself free of her and still do the hard work of overseeing her care. That is what most children do. I bet she is charming to strangers. If she is being cared for by professionals, she might even be happier than she is now. She will resist, but she can't see how nice it will be to live in a "college dorm for seniors."
You have a hard choice to make. Your life doesn't have to be over. You don't have to be her whipping boy for the rest of her life.
Whichever choice you make, we will support you and advise you on practical ways to handle things and feel better.