My mom has live-in help but the brunt of bill-paying, first response, etc. is on my sister. Sis is at the end of her rope, BUT she invited the whole family to her house for Thanksgiving. She called me saying she doesn't want anyone there. Well, that ship has sailed. I tried to tell her to run off and take a day or two to herself while we're there. Anyone who is in her position who can give constructive advice on how I can help her?
Last years holidays were pure he!!!!!! Will not do that again, I much prefer my own company.
I also understand the "oh my god, what have I done" panic as the event date draws nearer.
Is there any way that you and perhaps another family member or two could help Sis have her cake and eat it too this year? Call and offer to come over and clean house on Tuesday ... or offer to hire it done. Is the event usually an everyone-brings something affair? If it hasn't been in the past this would be a good year to start that tradition. Volunteer (or recruit another family member to do it) to organize the food brigade so that Sis only has to make the pies or the mashed potatoes or the turkey or the one thing she likes to do and takes pride in. And tell her which relatives are going to stick around while she takes a few days off.
If that ship has truly sailed and it is too late to cancel or if cancelling would cause your sister pain, then try to help all you can while letting Sis still be the hostess. Offer specific things. "What can I do to help?" may not get the best response. If you say, "I'll come Tuesday and clean," she can say Great! or My cleaning lady already has the covered. Be ready with another suggestion.
Your heart is really in the right place! I hope you can help make this a successful "normal" event for your sister, and that you can also talk her into taking a few days off.
Sounds like Sis would have the opportunity to eat Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday with mom in the memory care unit. That could be special in its own way.
Reasonable, mature adults are flexible.
Reason we do this is because my sig other has worked holidays for many years [his line of work doesn't stop for holidays]. Then on the holiday itself I use to do volunteer work at the local hospital, probably will miss it this year because I can't make the drive like I use to :(
Plus the grocery store does the cooking for me, all I need to do is heat and serve. I will be picking up the box with the cooked turkey and all the fixings tomorrow, for Sunday's dinner having my parents over.